Every Marriage Can Have A Happy Ending If You're Willing To Do This

Sifat Alam Sifat Alam in Your Story on 1 April, 2018

I was always inclined towards the whole concept of marriage and thus my faith in it remains solid.

For me, marriage is not only a lifelong commitment that I make to my man but also the fact that I have to commit myself to him without any doubt and honor his life for he has chosen me to be his wife.

After all, marriage is the most pious, beautiful, soulful and sacred relationship between a man and a woman. The institution of marriage is the bond between a man and his wife. The legality of this relationship bonds them as a team and no matter how much turmoil comes their way, they shall forever remain as a team because they were meant to be together as decided by Allah.

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The beauty of this relationship lies in 5-6 essential elements that strengthen the bond of marriage. These elements may not be visible to the outside world but when you take a closer look, shades of it become transparent when the couple stands together as each other’s shield.

There's a saying: "Marriage is the one bond that can always have a happy ending if one is persistent."

If you want to make each other happy then simply set your priorities straight and tell each other about them. There's no rulebook for a happy marriage. But yes, you can make certain rules to keep the bond healthy and strong forever. For e.g., if you think that it is necessary for your partner to give you some "me time" once in a while, then openly talk about it.

Speak your mind rather than playing the "Guess what’s on my mind?" game.
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Let him/her know you just as much as you know yourself. Let the guard down for your spouse. Hiding your thoughts from your spouse will simply create a disturbance in your marriage and ultimately result in heartache.

So pour your heart out to your spouse and see the wonders it does to your marriage. That is Rule 1 - "Caring is sharing."

Rule 2 simply put is, "Agree to disagree".

Not all spouses will agree with each other on everything.

For instance, my mom and dad don’t agree on everything but there are some special cases such as me. They agree on decisions and issues related to me. But take any other topic and they'll always agree to disagree.

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Now, what is "Agree to disagree"? Well, it's a technique to put a stop to an argument where the basis is withholding some key information. For e.g., family problems, whether or not to have a baby, changing jobs, moving abroad, etc.

These problems may seem relevant to a marriage but hardly have any relevance to it.

If I were to change my job without telling my husband about it, it would seem that I have kept him in the dark. Whereas, if I had changed my job after letting my husband know then it would mean that our relationship is transparent and we're honest with each other.

The second option would be the ideal scenario for a majority of people. But this is where I beg to differ with the public. As opinionated as I am, I always work against the 'majority'. The reason is 'liberty'.

I prefer being independent than being grounded.

It doesn't mean I would opt for independence in all situations but would definitely love it in certain matters. The thing is, if I were to change jobs and have my husband's opinion taken into consideration then it may appear that I’m not mature enough to make my own decisions. Think of it in this manner, please.

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Suppose you aren't married and you've been given the option to change your location before tying the knot as opposed to shifting after marriage. Given the circumstances, the man you're marrying has got a better future abroad and you can't possibly imagine sacrificing all that you have here.

To top it all, your family is insistent on getting you married to this particular guy. So there is no chance of turning back now. If given an option, whom would you choose?

The man who loves you enough to marry you or the job that is lousy (the payment is low and doesn't include accommodation) and has no perks of it in your life?

Think about it for a few seconds... Done? All right, this is my answer.

Firstly, weigh your choices wisely. The man is someone whom you love wholeheartedly (hence you’re marrying him, right?) and he pleases you all the way. And then, there's the lousy job. No payment and no future. A wise man once said: "Money can't buy you happiness but a man can."

So I'd be the wise woman, as I can get a job anywhere in the world but the man I am destined to marry won't wait for me forever.
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With that being said, it all comes down to priorities. Necessarily, your husband's opinion matters too but what you think is right matters the most. At the end of the day, he will ask you the same thing.

Know that the choices you make will affect your husband in one way or the other, so always be civil. Agreeing to disagree is one way of putting forward your opinions and having a thorough but rough discussion upon it.

It's a way of letting one another know that you can have matured conversations without getting into an argument.

The advantage of this is you actually avoid a heated conversation, which would otherwise ruin your peaceful sleep at night. So always have this notion in mind!

Rule 3 is a bit tricky to understand but simple to acknowledge. I call it "Reliability of Sources". Generally, this means having to rely on oneself to get the task done rather than heaping responsibilities on your partner's shoulders, which will ultimately drive him/her up the wall.

As women, we always rely on ourselves to get tasks done. This is where the men can make a difference.

Dear men, you need to gather all that you’ve learned from your past relationships and use all of those learnings to make your marriage fruitful.

Reliability of source in a man’s case stands for the basics. Meaning, do whatever needs to be done beforehand. Men have a tendency to hear from their wives that "My husband never does anything to help me around the house" or "My husband is so lazy I tell you", etc.

Stop these absurd comments from coming your way and prove to us that you are not all about leisure.

Start helping your wives around the house. Feed the kids, change the bed sheets every alternate day, do chores every night (if possible) or maybe during the weekends, take kids to school every morning right before you go to work, do grocery shopping with your wives, etc.

Make them feel that they mean something to you. Spend time together while doing dishes and ask about their day. Let them know that you care about your family just as much as they do. Women love to be pampered. So do make some time for that, men! Reliability of sources is that.

Share all the responsibilities that you’ll (men and women) have in the house or elsewhere and make your spouses feel needed too.

Do not solely rely on your spouse (him/her respectively) to take care of your surroundings, instead offer help and let your partner feel less burdened.

Rule 4 is communication. Marriage counsellors always pick this element and highlight it as the key ingredient for a successful marriage. And it actually is.

No marriage can sustain for long without communication.

A communicator will always find a way to communicate his/her feelings on certain topics or all topics in whichever manner it is possible. Marriage without communication is like cake without icing. The moisture in the cake comes from the icing; similarly, the sweetness or the lack of it comes from communication in any marriage.

If you can’t communicate with your spouse then how can you live with the hope that the days to come will be less unpleasant than today?

Your mind will constantly ponder, you'll slowly lose interest in one another and the end result is separation! Thereby, I urge you to keep the communication going so that you can lead a healthy life with your spouse.

Being expressive isn't bad at all. It allows you to keep doubt away from your relationship and also erases any guilt that your spouse may have towards you for not communicating with them. Thus helping you successfully find happiness.

Rule 5 is Trust. This is a moral necessity when you decide to stick with someone for a lifetime.

Then why is it that trust disappears after just a year of being married?

The answer remains hidden in the folded chapters of one's life as a married person. Truth be told, many marriages die because of lack of trust, dishonesty, greed, affairs, etc.

Before entering into the bond of marriage, one must learn to trust. This comes easily but once broken, the urge to trust again dies completely. I’m not saying that trust once broken cannot be regained.

Then again, it’s difficult to find a way to trust someone without having to pierce through one's heart again. So trust, but within certain boundaries. Guard your heart but also be prepared for the worst.

Know that not everyone can maintain your trust, particularly in relationships.

With every good and bad time, good and bad humans follow. Some bad times will provide you with good human beings, and vice versa. Always know that putting your foot forward is the way to go. So learn to trust even when someone has broken it.

Rule 6 is Respect. This rule is crucial for any relationship and lays the foundation for it.

Respect is given and earned, but not taken because respect is an honor.

You can honour someone or earn someone’s honour by doing good deeds, which are noble in societal status. However, can honour be taken? No.

Based on one's deeds, society decides whether to honour a person or to dishonour him/her. Let your actions be your personality. One's actions are a reflection of one's upbringing. If your actions are noble means that you belong to a respectable family.

But if you manipulate your social surrounding it questions your background. Thus, society dishonours you and claims that you are no longer welcomed in their surroundings.

Respect is the foundation of marriage. Respect for your spouse and his/her family is an assurance that you hail from a respectable family where you've been taught to honour the bonds you form. Respect for your spouse's surroundings signifies that you were raised with the correct values. Thus they'll be honoured to share their space with you.

Respect for your spouse's wants and needs means that you understand the true meaning of marriage and are willing to comply with it.

Respect for your spouse's upbringing means that you desire a pious man/woman to share your life with, which will assure him/her that repentance in marriage is highly unthinkable and completely unnecessary. Thus, your marriage is at peace.

Thereby, honouring a spouse along with honouring his/her family will seal your marriage with prosperity, piousness, happiness and more importantly, love. Always be respectful towards your spouse and know that the Almighty Allah has sent him/her to you with the belief that you’ll are meant for each other.

Based on the assessments made, I hope it is understandable that marriage isn't all about the good times. There's more to it than just celebration.

Lately, there is a rise in the divorce rate because of a lack of maturity in marriages. Taking marriages lightly has jeopardized people's lives immensely. Thus, I highly recommend you to understand the importance of marriage in one's life and work your way out accordingly.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because little things go a long way in a happy marriage.