You Have A Daughter Just Like Me But You Still Have The Heart To Hurt Me All The Time

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 April, 2018

I think the minute a girl gets the label of ‘daughter-in-law’ she has to start following the rule book created by her ‘mother-in-law.’ In fact, she should even learn to breathe like them.

After I got married, my husband had to go back to Dubai. I was to join him later. He promised me that he would call me to Dubai as soon as possible. But in the meantime, my in-laws started treating me like a slave.

It was as if I was just another body to them – a body that had no tongue, no emotions, no desires, and no social circle. And last but not the least – no parents!

I want to tell my mother-in-law so many things. Sometimes I don’t know where to begin. Please let your daughter-in-law enjoy at least some quality time being a wife.

But no – you will say that being in our room and spending time alone with my husband is not a good thing.

Then you will think that going to my mother’s place is a crime! I still remember the day when you said, “Maikay jaaney wali ladkiyon ki koi izzat nahi hoti.” I have been married for 3 years now but I am still confused by this statement.

I cannot find any logic in this statement.

Then you took it upon yourself to pass shocking comments about me: “Why are you not working? Oh God – you are so lazy. You prefer to stay at home though you are a pharmacist. You should have cleared your pharmacist license exam before getting married. Your parents should have guided you about it. Your upbringing is the reason behind your clumsiness. Can’t you drive? Your parents should have made you learn driving before you got married. You should have got your driving license before getting married.”

The first thing that came to my mind was:  If you can question me about my parents and my upbringing – I too can question you about your upbringing.

I clearly remember how my parents and I were insulted like this every day in front of the maids. Often your comments pierced through my heart and hurt my soul.

“Just look at your furniture. Ufff….it’s so ugly. It should be sober. We gave our daughter all the furniture for her room. We bought everything for her from a good furniture market. Look at your mattress! It should be a medicated one. Who uses these kinds of mattresses these days? A better carpet would add a touch of elegance to your room. And look at your curtains. They are so old-fashioned. Look at your bed sheets. They are so cheap. There are so many vibrant coloured bed sheets in the market. We don’t even feel like coming into this room.”

And then you will follow all this up with the classic traditional statement: “You are our daughter now. We love you so much. That is why we are just sharing our views with you.” At such times I just end up saying this to myself, “Only God and I know how much we love each other.”

I don’t have any words for people who are so clever at putting on a façade.

The next day you will have something else to comment about: "You have gained so much weight. I wonder how you will get pregnant. If all this fat enters the uterus there will be no place left for the foetus to grow!” This was such a shockingly funny statement! Obviously, it was again spoken in front of the maid. I felt as if my uterus and hormones were being examined that day.

I felt as if I was a criminal sitting in front of you.

Finally, the day arrived when I went to Dubai. I did get pregnant. And now you were very angry with me because I had not informed you before planning my baby. I simply could not forget the precious statement that you made that day: “Why did you tell your mother about your pregnancy first? I have the right to know about it first because it is my son’s child!”

Unfortunately, my pregnancy ended up in miscarriage because of high blood pressure and tension. But I continue to look for answers to all such questions. It is unfair.

A daughter-in-law is first and foremost a human being. How I wish people could understand this.
Editor's Note:

We gave birth to our children. So we love them. That’s natural. And after that maybe we too need to grow up with our children. Let’s learn to respect the woman who was nurtured in another woman’s womb. Let’s include her in our warm embrace of love. She’s a fine human being. Let’s be gentle with her. Let’s understand her definitions, fears and passions. Let’s share this story because it’s time our women felt more at home in their own homes.