daughter-in-law abusive relationship unhappy marriage Indian wife

When I Mean Nothing To You, Why Should I Be The Slave?

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I entered into this relationship on a positive note with the expectation that all of you would keep all your promises. Like any other girl, I too dreamt a lot of leading a happy, healthy married life.

I accepted and shouldered my responsibilities from the first day.

But have you ever realized that you broke not only your promises but also my trust before even tying the knot? Despite your actions, I trusted you and expected that things would fall into place very soon.

It never occurred to me that I was living with false hopes and that I would end up losing my identity after getting married to you.

You always loved your parents. I loved them too. It is just that they realized this when it was a little too late. What about my parents? Did you even attempt to love them? You loved your brother and your sister-in-law and their kids. What about your wife? Did you not love her? Do you remember the time when you said, “They are more important to you than me (your wife).”

You asked me to go back and stay with my parents when I told you that your sister-in-law was not treating me properly.

There were days when I had to work night shifts. I would come home at 5 a.m. and everyone at home expected me to cook breakfast and lunch and serve everyone and sacrifice on my sleep. All of you hit the bed at 10 p.m. and struggled to wake up even at 9 a.m. and even then there were complaints that they had not got enough sleep.

I wanted to scream at the top of my voice and say, “CUT THE CRAP! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT ME?” Was I wrong in thinking like this?

I spent sleepless nights. I starved at nights. I fought with you and shed copious tears. But I also managed to get an opportunity to migrate to another country. I was on top of the world because I felt that God had finally answered all my prayers.  I never realized that actually, my real struggles were just about to begin.

I stepped into a new country with a good job but with no financial or moral support from your family.

When my mother and I became a little emotional at the airport, instead of consoling my mother, your sister-in-law just continued passing comments. According to her, I was happy because I was flying away from all of you.

She said that I was just separating the family. Neither you nor your parents commented on her remarks or stood up for me.

With God’s grace, I got a place to live in immediately. I was really thankful to my friends for helping me out with this. You returned home after a week promising to return in a couple of months. None of your family members inquired about how I was doing in a new place and whether I had adapted here.

In fact, when I called them up to ask how they were all doing, they just asked me to transfer my salary to their account because I now had a better job.

You did not comment or support me even when you knew about it. Your only answer was, “What can I do? They asked you for whatever they wanted and said what they felt like. I can’t change them or comment on it.”

Why did you marry your wife when you could not support her? Did you marry her only to make her feel lonely? What would you do if your daughter had been in my place? 

Days, months and years passed. I was blessed with two beautiful babies. It was a blessing indeed. I truly wanted to enjoy this phase of motherhood.

I wanted to become a stay at home mom. But I was left with no option. I had to work full time.

I started working hard to support you and the kids so that they could lead a happy, pleasant life. I knew that we were struggling financially. So I worked harder to overcome our challenges and switched jobs in order to make more money.

I got into a wonderful role and the money was excellent. But this only added more stress to my life and my struggles increased.

I would begin my day at 4 a.m. and sleep at 11 p.m. I would work full time in the office to make money. And then I would work full time at home to fulfil all my responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, taking care of the groceries and raising the kids. Single-handedly.

I get nil to no support from you. Yet, you feel annoyed, get irritated and don’t give me chance to discuss my hectic schedule with you or about how I feel.

You always escape for your own reasons and say, "I am having a tough time at work. My parents are sick and are feeling low. My brother and sister-in-law are thinking about separating etc." All I want to tell you is, “All these things can/will/may happen but such things should never have an impact on (or harm) our relationship and especially the kids.

When I mean nothing to you, why should I be the ‘man of the family’?

Do you think your wife is a slave? Doesn’t she have a life of her own? Does she not have the right to live her life the way she wants to? Do you ever realize that if this continues, one day your wife might just give up and walk away from your life to lead her own life and pursue her own interests and passions?

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