I've Been Paying For Years For Being A Girl, I Don't Know When It'll All Stop
I was born in a Brahmin family. I was loved and pampered very much as I was the eldest grandchild on both my maternal and paternal sides. My cousin once stayed with us and I was sexually abused as a child. I told my mother, but failed to make her understand what I went through. Not wanting to go through the abuse at home, I ran away from home only to realize that the world outside was crueler. Then I decided to return and learnt to slowly and quietly fight the war with my cousin.
I was struggling with my studies too, only to be kidnapped and gang raped for fifteen days.
I somehow managed to escape from there and was put in a hostel to complete my schooling. I then started working at the tender age of 18. There was a man there who fell in love with me, came to my house and asked for my hand in marriage. My parents were worried about who will marry me after all I went through, and when this guy came forward to ask for my hand, they got me married to him. What I found strange at that point in time was that my new family was hardly in touch with anyone from their family or friends. I thought maybe I'll adjust to the lifestyle and was putting in all my best efforts to make it work.
My husband then quit his job and expected me to take care of him and his family. He also wanted me to act like a porn star in the bedroom.
The best part is that every night, he would go and ask his mother's permission to sleep with his wife. There came a day when he came home drunk, tried strangling me because I was not able to behave like the porn star he'd like to watch.
That day I decided enough is enough, and in the middle of the night I walked out of that house with my dad.
I fought for my divorce for five years and then got married again. I have been married for nine years now and am a mother to a seven-year-old son. I really don't know what to say about my husband because he has completely changed me as a person by restricting me from everything I do. I am nine years younger than him and so he thinks that I cannot take care of myself.
I know I will never find the freedom to be myself and I don't have the courage to walk out of the marriage because of my parents and my son.
I have found some love and peace in my life, thanks to a soulmate who is my best friend and I hope I don't lose my best friend at least.