I was born in a family where my father regularly used his hand as a lethal weapon to attack my mother. Miraculously or accidentally she is still alive (I wonder if this was for good or bad). I have watched them fight almost every other day. My childhood passed in the dim corners of my room crying my heart out. Sometimes in rage I tried to be just like my father and abused every person close to me as a payback to him.

But when I looked into my mother’s eyes, I could see her tears speaking to me through her pathetic situation. I realized that she was my Phoenix. I decided to be good to life for her.

I grew up and joined the software club. Yes, I became an engineer. Despite an initial struggle, my career took me to a good position. A position I could never have dreamed of. In those days, I met Shekhar. I fell in love with him but he was mad about me. He couldn’t even think of anything other than me. Even after seeing my parents’ relationship, I decided to give him a chance. In the initial years of marriage, we appeared to do impeccably well. We were blessed with a baby angel, we called her “Naira”. But after many years, problems started cropping up in our relationship. When we both were alone, we began having verbal spats. It eventually became a regular thing for us. One day my husband came home totally drunk. I was annoyed. I asked him to go to bed. Since my daughter would witness our fight if I said anything, I didn’t utter a word. But he completely lost his mind. Even today I am not able to figure out that what triggered him but that night he came like a ferocious animal towards me and started hitting me. I saw my baby watching from a corner behind the curtains.

She saw her dad in the form of a devil. Tears came rolling down from her eyes. I could see myself in her place 30 years ago when as an adolescent I was in her position. What to do? I didn’t want to be my mother, another Phoenix.

I want to be her hope, her Dove. If I kept quiet my daughter may think it normal thing to abuse a woman. I didn’t want another me growing in her. I decided to take a step which I believe my mother should have taken then. I moved out of the relationship. This may have been the first time my husband turned physically violent and abused me but I will not allow it to happen again. I am an individual and I don’t need to take his filth on my body in the form of scars and bruises. I need total respect for my body. Above all I want my daughter to know the same. Today you might call me a single mother, a lady with a broken relationship or not a committed woman. Excuse me but, I believe that it is better to have a broken marriage than broken bones and traumatic kids.

I have all the rights to breathe the fresh air of liberty and live life peacefully. Many people who have moved out of a relationship have done so because they are strong enough to fight the odds and many are still in toxic relationships, maybe because they don’t have the courage to move out. So staying together for the sake of maintaining a facade of family doesn’t define your character. The next time you are abused, believe in yourself enough to not allow it to be done to you. You are much worthier than you think. You should be your first love. The world will love you for that. And men? As per the current ratio there are fewer females than males. Hence, we can find for ourselves one good guy someday. And who knows, after living your life with self-respect you will find your soul mate in yourself.

Then who wants a better half? You are complete all by yourself. I am sending love to all the women out there. Muaah!

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