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Help, I've Met Two Soulmates In This Lifetime, And I Can't Live Without Either...

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I still remember the first time I met Aarav. I was 17, working for a BPO. It was my first day and I was confused about how I was supposed to spend my day in training. I didn’t even know how I was supposed to get back home via the bus route.

I was just standing there, lost on the road. I saw a man walking with a coke can in his hand near me, so I gathered to courage to ask him to help me find the right bus. He looked at me for a moment and then said, “Come along, I’ll help you.” 
 As we spoke along the way, I found out that he was in the same organisation I had joined and was my senior. We worked in different departments though. 
After that day, whenever we would see each other, we would wave or say hello. And soon, we started going to the bus stop together. We enjoyed each other’s company. 
Over time, we started hanging out with each other’s friends and started going out for movies and meals. 
Finally one day, he proposed to me. I had butterflies but told him that I needed some time to think. Of course, eventually, I did say yes. Everything was perfect between us. We were friends first, more than anything else. He was honestly the best a woman could ask for. 
 We would spend all our time together. The first six months of our relationship felt like I was living in another world, where only he and I mattered. 

Our relationship lasted for two years, and of course, in this time we got physically bonded too. 
Suddenly, with no warning, he began avoiding me. We both were also looking for new jobs at this time, so we couldn’t meet as we used to when we were working together. He had decided to pursue his studies and within a few weeks, I got a new job.
This is when all the fights and arguments began. He would begin to doubt me and start becoming possessive and arrogant. I was living a new life, meeting new people at work, making new friends and would get exhausted to come back every evening to continue our arguments. 
 All I wanted was love and care. I eventually started getting close to another man in our office, he became a very good friend of mine. But Aarav was too possessive and misunderstood the entire situation between us. So, I decided to move on and end things with him there. 
Being single suited me; I was happy, I was meeting friends regularly, and I was even enjoying my new job a lot. 
And like all good things that find you unexpectedly, this is also where I found my soulmate. 
Almost instantly I knew that this wasn’t attraction, it was love. It was something much deeper. I married this man after two years and today, we are blessed with a beautiful baby. I’m head over heels in love with my husband and he’s extremely caring and supportive too. 
One day, on a social networking site, I connected with Aarav. Very casually he asked me about my life and I told him what I thought he needed to know. Soon, we started talking over the phone, and I didn’t hide this from my husband. He was understanding about it, because we both trusted each other so much. 
Aarav told me had settled in the United States. I was happy for him. 
Over one conversation over the phone, he ended up telling me how much he missed me and how he was now addicted to alcohol and drugs without me. He confessed that he was wrong and that he should have been more understanding. I was surprised, and deeply saddened by his confession. 
 I told him I would always be there for him, and we started speaking even more. Somehow, he even started getting friendly with my husband. 
Finally, the day came when he told me that he was coming to India for three months. I was elated. I told him that he had to come over and see us, at my new house. When he did, I was so excited that I hugged him out of sheer happiness. We spent two or three hours together. 
When I told my friends about this in casual conversation, they ended up making a lot of fun of me. They refused to believe that all we did for three hours was talk. 
That’s when something clicked inside me. Of course, I wasn’t ever planning on cheating on my husband, but I couldn’t lie to myself that I didn’t have feelings for Aarav. 
I thought about it a lot and decided that I wanted to talk to him about this before he left the country. I called him and told him everything, and that I wanted to kiss him again. Of course, he immediately said no and told me that I shouldn’t be thinking along these lines. 
After a lot of conversation, he said he would come meet me. 
That day, I kissed him. I was nervous after that and almost expected him not to reply or get back in touch with me. But he did. 
 We started meeting outside my house. I would leave my baby at my mother’s place and start meeting him when my husband was at work. 
We had sex, a lot of times and it was then I realised that my body missed his. He told me that he still loved me and that he would never be able to marry anyone else. I told him I still felt the same about him, but wasn’t ever going to be able to leave my husband or child. He told me that wouldn’t matter, as long as we had each other. 
We are in a relationship today, it’s not a conventional one, but I can’t forget him and I know today that he’s supposed to be in my life. 
He still shares everything with me, and we speak almost every day over the phone. He takes care of me in a way I can’t explain or expect from my husband. 
I truly love my husband but Aarav is much more. He is my world. I know he needs me more than anything right now too. I can’t let go of him, and I can never tell my husband the whole truth. 
Please help, I’m confused.  

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