An Open Letter To The World That REFUSES To Stop Pointing Fingers

Anonymous Anonymous in Bakkar. Chai. Sutta on 8 August, 2017

Yes, it is certainly true that we are judged by people ever since the day we come into this world, even by our own parents. They force their wishes on their kid from day one – either he/she will become a doctor, an astronaut, an engineer, etc.

Oh, give me a break! Please at least leave your kids free to fully embrace their childhood. Let them decide for themselves what they want to become.

Why should you force your dreams on them? Firstly, observe your child and see what interests him and then help him to pursue his career. The day a mother gives birth to a child, her actions are scrutinized by society and its ‘oh so perfect’ people - How will she manage to raise the kid as she has not done it before.

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Isn't it funny to listen to them blatantly judge like that? Which mother is trained to raise a child before she gives birth? It comes to a woman naturally the moment she takes her child into her arms. She is the best person to know and understand her child’s needs.

Every mother knows why her child is crying, one does not always have to yell at her to feed the child, there could be something else the child needs. You cannot simply assume that she is mishandling her child’s nutritional needs. She is very much aware of her child’s eating patterns and the time intervals at which he/she needs to be fed. Even new dads are judged. If he works late hours, he is said to have lost interest in his wife, is being careless and not interested to know how his wife is raising his child. Excuse me! Didn’t she give birth to his child? Who are you to complain to him about his wife or regarding their own kid? She is the mother of that kid. Her husband is working till late because he feels more responsible now after having the child. He is working hard for a better upbringing and brighter future of his child, not because he lost interest in his wife. If anything, he found himself getting more attached to his wife after the kid came to their life. He doesn't about what happens back home during the whole day because he trusts his wife. He knows that whatever his wife will do, will be for the betterment of their kid. Stop judging him as it could be their decision made in mutual understanding to divide the responsibilities of their household.

A lot of other things go on behind the scenes, there is always more to a story than what meets the eye.

Then a person is also judged when he/she gets an admission in a reputed University/school. People say that, “oh, it must be because of a heavy donation”. Please for once, check the merit list before you point fingers. One is judged when they get a job with a good hike as that must be because of ‘Sifarish’. Please check the merit list again and the long list with the number of interviews he/she has gone through and got rejected from for five whole months! When they finally get the job, he/she does not have any need to pass the interview of your baseless judgement.

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A girl is judged, that she is heartless because she did not cry on her bidaai at her wedding. The newly married girl is judged, that she doesn't trust or respect the elders because she wants to keep her light jewelry in her possession so that she can wear it whenever she wants.

The working woman is judged - that she does not run her home efficiently. Please put a CCTV at her home to see the way she manages her home; how efficiently she prepares breakfast for everyone, packs the tiffins for her husband and for herself, prepares lunch for her in-laws, does the dusting, washes the dishes and has many other things on her plate before she finally leaves for office. After coming home from a long day, she prepares dinner for everyone and then busies herself to prepare for the next morning. She manages the groceries perfectly too. She ensures her home is spick and span even if she must clean at night. And yet, she is not involved in family conversation. The doors are shut on her face, to make her realize that she is an outsider. Some people judge women who stay at their parental home, wondering why she is wasting her qualification. Some judge her for being a working mom. Well, it is her own choice and depends on her priorities in the moment. She doesn't want to leave her kid in the hands of a maid by will.

A woman is free to be herself even after becoming a mother. Why do we forget that she is a person in her own right and has a life of her own? No relationship should ever define a person.

Also, maybe she doesn't want to waste her qualification. Plus, she wants to become a helping hand for her husband financially. Of course, this is also because they do not want to think twice to spend on their kid. So, maybe in future, she will work again when her child will able to manage himself. Others do not have to worry about her kid or her home and how she will manage everything. Walk a while in my shoes. When you do, I will accept all your judgements.