First love story. How can you possibly forget yourself, become selfless and love the other person without any condition and expectation? Keep reading.
It was just only 30 days since I had started talking to her on a social media platform. She knew me through her friends but we had never met each other. We instantly got on touch in Whatsapp, started talking all day. She's still a college student, whilst I'm a graduate, a full time working professional.
She is a gem of a girl. I don't know why, I just felt an instant connection with her. Within a couple of days, I shared everything about me. She listened patiently. She's an amazing listener. She's beautiful. One of the most intelligent girls I've ever come across. Her way of talking, her innocence shows me the parenting that she was subjected to, which is exceptionally good.
Within that month, we gave nicknames to each other, installed a separate app to talk to each other, became very close. As days passed, I started to realize that she was everything that I was waiting for. She was it. I knew. The similarities we had, the bonding we shared, our views and opinions, everything was just the same.
Here's the thing. She was far from me. Not like 100 or 200 kilometres. But more than 2000. Yes. I was in Delhi at that time, and her college was in deep south. We talked everyday, my morning used to begin with her, my nights used to end with her. She was perfect. Perfect for me.
But no, it was too early for anything to express, too early for anything to anticipate. I knew this. Okay? I knew. But it was something which wasn't just letting me stay calm. There was some magical force constantly telling me that it was her.
Okay so, one day she mentioned about her college festival where she'd be getting some free time. That's when I planned to visit her. I thought, I'd just go and see her, talk to and spend some time with her and come back.
But there was a catch. It takes 2 flights to go there, and I had some important coaching classes along with exams scheduled at the same time and also I had some important meet ups with my clients. Everything. All at once. But I decided to surprise her.
I attended the classes, went to the professor's home, requested them for extra classes. I Stayed up late nights, finishing the syllabus. I didn't even think of my health, I didn't even sleep for few days prior to the journey. I worked almost 15 hours a day to deliver the projects on time to my clients. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was all excited to see her. Just to feel her.
The day came. She didn't know anything, she was just talking to me like usual, but I was on my way to see her. I was on Delhi airport, waiting for my flight to Bangalore. From Bangalore I had to take another one to her city. I was just waiting for the moment.
Just when I reached Bangalore airport she called me. A usual call. She just causally told me about someone whom she liked. It wasn't for a relationship but, she did mention something that way. I felt shattered.
I realized that I was just thinking from my perspective. I like her, I love(?) her, I want to see her. It's all me. It was all me. Those were my thoughts. But what if, WHAT IF, she likes someone else? Yes we were talking, but that doesn't mean she wanted to meet me. I was scared to take the next flight. I was damn scared that, after going there I would be seeing her with someone else. Even to imagine that thought pained me.
It was around 3 AM in the morning. Bangalore airport. I had my flight in next one hour. I had to decide whether to go or not. I was thinking and thinking. Then I don't know why, I didn't know how, my instinct strongly told me something.
“You're happy this way. You love her very much and you don't know whether she loves you back or not and it's totally okay. What if she's already in love with someone? What if she sees you just as a brother? What if she thinks of you like a good friend? What if you see her with someone there? Can you tolerate that? Can you see that?"
NO. I CAN'T.
So I chose not to get onto the plane. Yes, I spent all the money I had and booked another flight back to Delhi. I had 4 hours to weep. I missed my plane on purpose and I had nothing left in my pocket. I didn't even have money to buy a water bottle. I was hungry. But then, more than that, I was scared. I was sooo sooo scared to see her. I had thousands of thoughts running in my mind. With a heavy heart, I went back to Delhi. It was a tiresome journey, for nothing good. I developed a fever and remained on bed for 4 days. Poor girl, I didn't even tell her a thing and it was as usual later on.
She didn't know anything. I didn't let her know.
Exactly after a week I went to my hometown, Vizag. Then one day, she informed me that she'd be visiting Kolkata for some event. I desperately wanted to meet her. This time I told her that even I am in Vizag at that time, so we could definitely meet at least at the railway station. I asked her to check if the train passes through Vizag and she said that it does.
That was a total shocker for me. She agreed to meet me on the railway station. The train would stop for 20 minutes.
Most important 20 minutes of my life, I thought. What should I do? Should I let her know that I like her? Should I let her know? What would she think? What would she decipher?
No no. That would be so stupid. I decided to stay calm. I bought her a gift in haste. I'm really bad at selecting things for people but for the first time in my life, I bought something for someone. I bought a load of chocolates and wrote a letter. I made sure, the word “love” never came up in that.
I thanked her for being in my life, I thanked her for her company and I wished her the best. But I wanted her to understand that I liked her. So at the end, I wrote -
“Just like you're coming to see me now, one day I'll come for you. Keep waiting like you always do cause, waiting is beautiful”
What I really meant was - Please wait for me. Please wait for the right time to come. I'll handle this. I'll take care. You first finish your studies, meanwhile I'll settle in a very good position for which I need some time, so please wait till then. Don't just give your heart to someone just like that. I'll come one day. Keep waiting.
I knew it was the hardest path but I still chose to do it. We aren't from the same caste, don't belong to same state, our cultures, religion, language.. Everything is different. But love was far more dominant than any of those, so I chose to write that letter.
Finally, the day came. I couldn't sleep. It was what it was. I decided to stay calm. But the anxiety in me wasn't letting me to. I was going to see her for the first time. Firstly, I couldn't believe that it was happening. Because when I had tried to meet her, I had made such an effort and took pains in doing it, but that didn't happen. But now, like a shadow, she herself was coming to me. God's plan.
May be that's how D E S T I N Y works.
I dressed up modestly, in a white shirt and continued to wait for the train which is notoriously late always. But on that day, damn, it was on time.
There she was. With those sparkling eyes, curly hair and with all the beauty in the world on her face. She was waving at me. My heart was beating fast. It was chaos over there, too many people on the platform, too much noise, people getting in and out of the train, those loud announcements but.... But... Despite all, I was lost in the silence of her presence in front of my eyes. I just couldn't believe it.
She walked towards me, we shook hands. Oh gracious lord, I touched her. Her hands were soft, I held her right hand for 3 and a half seconds, I reckon. She didn't utter a word and so didn't I.
We weren't even looking at each other. I asked her to sit on a bench nearby. We sat there.
I WAS SITTING NEXT TO HER!
That was a dream come true for me. I was remembering the scene at the Bangalore Airport where, I chose not to take up the flight. Somehow it felt right. May be that's why, God brought her to me directly, I thought.
Five minutes were already up by then. We had fifteen more to go. The honking of the train, people speaking in multiple languages, yelling of the food vendors, everything was happening there, but we both stayed in silence. I wished for the time to stop forever.
It was breathtaking. She didn't speak a word, I didn't too. Minutes passed and still I was just feeling each millisecond of her existence in that moment.
We were breathing the same air. We were sharing the same space. We were together. We didn't even take a picture together. No selfie, no drama, no loose talk, nothing. It was me and her in that chaotic silence.
It felt so good to me, until I failed to realize that time was up.
Announcement was made for the train to leave. She got up, and just when I was about to give a bag which had the gift and letter to her, she opened her cute little sling bag and handed over an envelope to me.
YES. SHE WROTE A LETTER FOR ME AS WELL!
By the time I realized that she really did, the train started to move. I hurriedly handed over my gift bag. She got inside, there were a few people at the door. She felt slightly uncomfortable but she got in.
I never knew trains moved so fast in such less time. Train was picking up speed. I started to walk along on the platform and that's when for the first time, I saw her eyes. They were like pearls. I was blinded by them. As train started to move faster, subconsciously I started to run as well.
She was there, at the door, waving at me - “Bye”. There was smile on her face, probably the happiness that she had met me. She was moving away form me, she was going, she was waving at me. He hands, were gently wishing me goodbye but I was sweating, I wasn't able to cope up with the speed of the train. I was stumbling, I couldn't run anymore.
Slowly the silhouette of her started to disappear. Long before I could see past my watery spectacles, she was gone. The train left the platform.
I came back to the bench we had sat on. I sat there looking at the envelope that she gave me. I lost track of the time. I stayed there for almost 3 hours.
Like a small kid, I was looking at each arriving train for a hope that she'd be there in one of them. How ridiculous. My mind was unable to accept the fact that she was gone. So fast? 20 minutes pass like 20 seconds. That was it.
PROBABLY I'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.
SHE CAME. SHE WENT. LEFT ME IN TEARS.
SHE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT I LOVED HER TO ETERNITY.
I came back home and cried. I don't know why, I looked into the mirror and I cried. Tears were gushing from my eyes.
FAST FOWARD 6 MONTHS.
It's 2:04 in the morning now. I just put her to sleep and started writing this. Today marks 4th month of our relationship and 8th month of knowing each other. Yes. She's my girlfriend now. More than that, I would prefer to say, she's my everything.
Yes, the distance is still the same, and we haven't met after that at all. But yes, as the saying goes-
“No one can stop when people are meant to be together , your soulmate shall always find their way".
I did find my way to her, after few months of understanding, we realized the love between us, I confessed and she accepted it with all her heart.
We've had challenges of our own like anyone else, but we faced them together, I made her understand what love is, taught her how it feels to be in love, made her realize the love she'd been having for me since months. We're strong and sturdy despite the distance embossed with trust and loyalty.
Brick by brick, I built this relationship with all my heart, with care, commitment and sincerity.
That's me. Whenever I miss her, I'll go to the railway station and sit at the very same bench even today. That's the love I have for her.
She's in deep sleep now, my sleeping princess. Hoping to see her soon after this pandemic.
SHE'S NOT ONLY MY FIRST LOVE, BUT MY ONLY LOVE.