A Very Accurate Definition Of A 'Crush' In Medical School
Who hasn’t had it bad when in ‘love’ or just as plain as crushing on someone? That sensation of silliness becomes you and leaves you speechless. ‘Love’ isn’t new to me but that thing called 'infatuation', it definitely is. It’s funny how emotions make a home in your heart and somehow take over your rationality completely, numbing your cordial pieces. I get control of my senses sometimes but as soon as my gaze finds him, they turn me into a clueless human being and I forget to speak.
As clearly as I remember, it had hit me in one evening class and sat adamantly in my head ever since. Yeah, haven’t we all had that? And no, it wasn’t for the obvious reasons. Yes, he is cute, very cute but my brain got hooked on his mannerisms and on the fact that he has this aura of calmness and poise radiating through him.
And gosh! How he manages to be in authority without rudeness. No guy with a stethoscope has ever made me look at them twice. But him, damn. That voice. He is my junior resident at med school. As he remains invested in his explanations and I, in pursuit of soaking his words, run out of ink sometimes.
Listening to him talk on everything, I didn’t know was making me fall a little in love with his subject. Although the realization of my minimal knowledge gives me the chills, I know I’ll do it. He has made it seem so breezy and for that, I’m grateful.
In between flipping through myocardial infarction, and rheumatic fever, and postpartum hemorrhage and anemia in pregnancy, the only thing that appeals to me is Marjolin's ulcer and Rampley's swab holding forceps and Calot’s triangle. He sits quietly in my head and I jump.
What is it with infatuation and its effects? It remains a mystery to me. I hope I can think of something to say when I find myself in his class again. Now each time I walk into his department, my heart goes into hiding and my brain, well that goes into a state of free falling.
I locate corners in his days, way out of view and he just happens to walk in through that end making me go motionless for a fraction of a second. And watching me stop midway in my action, I’m asked if things were alright with me.
If only I could write sonnets. Not everyone gets my attention but him, he is beginning to become the pivot. I walk around with a double convex prescription lens but somehow my gaze manages to focus well enough on him in a crowd full of people. My eyes get zoomed in on him for seconds and my foot takes a detour.
At some point or the other, we have been through this feeling of thoughtlessness called ‘crush’, mine being a first.