I had an arranged marriage. We met at the temple and our marriage was fixed. I quit my job as his parents had wished.

Everyone was on cloud nine and we started talking over the phone without the knowledge of my parents.

I wouldn’t have known life, had it not been so full of fun. After two weeks, my parents wanted to call off the marriage as they had received some bad things about my fiancé and his family. But my fiancé brainwashed me by saying that they were only rumours from their opponent business company.

I believed him totally. My parents were against this marriage, and yet I was fully adamant about marrying him. Finally, they gave up for me. My fiancé would ask me to go out with him but my parents would refuse as per our tradition. Finally, I was married and my parents hoped for the best all along. They even paid huge dowries.

It was shocking to find my husband as a mom's boy on the very first day of our marriage. He didn't want me to take anywhere out in front of his mom.

Within two months of our marriage, I learnt from his dirty messages that he was having an affair and he wasn't interested in this marriage.

When I confronted him, he lied in the beginning but then he confessed that he wanted to sleep with her when I was not around him. I just couldn't believe my ears. He regretted and I forgave him as I loved him then. The very next day, I found his messages again.

He just smiled and said that he wouldn’t do it again. I was so dumb that I believed him again.

I didn't talk about this to my parents as this marriage was purely done against their wish. Then we were on our honeymoon and after 6 months, I got pregnant. We got a beautiful baby girl.

Instead of being at my side during delivery, he and his mom were fighting with me.  He made me cry in the hospital.

Gradually, our quarrel subsided and I caught him again flirting with some other girls quite a few more time. Each time I forgave him but I didn’t trust him anymore.

He spoke in a very sympathetic manner so that I couldn't deny forgiving him. Along with all this, I even had mother-in-law problem as well.

All her gossiping and dominating character made my life terrible. But I could not open this up to my husband as he would pick up an instant fight with me for blaming his mom.

At the same time, our intimate relationship was getting quite less. He was least interested in me.

He could not even tolerate me when I playfully tried to disturb him.

There were days when I cried alone in want of love. I felt lonely than ever.

Sex is not life but there was not even a single word of love from him. Whenever he was at home, he used to switch on the TV and get immersed in his mobile. I was not able to trust him every time he was with his phone and always had an insecure feeling.

I tried talking to him about all of it but he spoke harsh words to avoid it. He used to scold me using cheap words just to impress his mother. And while she wasn’t around, he would act all normal with me. By normal, it didn’t mean he would be all loving kindness, it only meant I was out of trouble for a while.

All I would do was lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

Accidentally, I got pregnant for the second time. My husband and in-laws were very happy and it meant more trouble for me. There were more fights and he always tried to make feel low.

My mother-in-law started keeping a track of what I ate and it was like I had to take permission to even drink water. I wasn’t allowed to do any cooking because my mother-in-law feared that I will occupy her position in the kitchen and dominate her.

A person’s basic need is food but I could not eat what I wished for.

By this time, my daughter had joined her kindergarten. At nine months of my pregnancy, I went to my mom's place for my delivery along with my daughter. From the day I was admitted to the hospital, he started to fight with me irrelevantly. I expected him to be at the hospital when the baby was born. But instead, he slept at home and came late. Such was his affection towards me.

My in-laws came and none of them including my husband enquired about my health. They were only interested in the kids.

I had a C-section and was unable to move. Even then, my husband was trying to pick a fight with me.

All my hopes were shattered then. He came to my mom’s place to ask me to return to his place, but again in a dominating way. I told him that I didn’t want to stay with him anymore. He tried talking me into it by being sympathetic just like he was 4 years ago. But this time, I didn’t believe him.

I told my parents everything about my bad relationship and his affairs. After hearing all of it, they didn’t want me to go back to his place. I love him but I don’t think he deserves my longingness towards him anymore. Most of the time he only spoke harsh words and he was never bothered if I got hurt.

When a husband can't take care of his wife during her delivery, I don’t think if he ever could.

It has been four years of our marriage now and each day it got worse. His family is only interested in the kids and sees me as nobody. I know I will be lonely there if I go back again.

I don’t even know if he is still having affairs. My parents are ready to support me in whatever decision I have to make. They are not confident of my well-being at my husband’s place anymore.

I want my way out of this mess but I am emotionally locked too.

With two kids now, I am not sure if planning for divorce is a right choice or not. I am so mentally disturbed that I can’t decide what to do.

I need your help. I need to know what to do. My mind is a complete ruin now.

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