I am a simple Bengali girl who had always invisible or insignificant to most people. I was never popular in the sophisticated and renowned convent girl’s school where I studied. Things changed when I joined a co-ed school for plus two.
I became the most desired girl. The boys were interested in knowing me while the girls tried dressing up like me. Some of them envied me and some even hated me.
From an invisible girl, I became the most popular one. I was different from everyone and that made me stand out in this new cosmopolitan school.
It didn’t take me long to make many friends and we started having a lot of fun together. As my house was 30 km away from the school, I lived in the hostel. My roommates were really good to me and the three of us - Mona, Simran and I - became best friends. They meant everything to me.
Since we had 10 classes before our summer vacation, we hadn't met the day scholars yet. Things changed after our summer vacations. I met a guy in class and we got along really well. He had studied in a Christian boys school in Kolkata and hence, we connected in a way that no one else did.
We spoke every day and from friends, we easily became best friends and then lovers. We were always together in classes, during the break, and over the phone when not in school.
I didn't realize when I fell in love with him but I did not express my feelings because I thought that he did not feel the same way.
But one day, he asked me what he meant to me and I confessed how much I loved him. We started dating and became the most popular couple in school though that did not matter to me.
I was ecstatic because he was also madly in love with me.
Gradually, we got physically intimate. It began with kissing and soon, we started making out. A year passed by and eventually, we had sex. However, things began to get complicated.
I had left the hostel and was staying in my house while he was also a day scholar. Every weekend, he would come to my house or I’d go to his. We would have sex on my terrace or in my room when my parents were away.
Before we knew it, we were in class 12. As science students, we had a lot to cope up with in the new school. They were also very strict about boys and girls maintaining a distance from each other. Things took an ugly turn when the school authorities saw me tying his shoelace while we were alone in class.
Our parents were called and his mother blamed me because I was in his section. She said that I was trying to manipulate her son!
Both of us were suspended from school. Things were just beginning to settle down when my mom discovered that he came to our house when they were not home. She messaged his mom and they fought again.
Even after all this, our love kept growing strong. We were not ready to let go of each other.
About 2 months later, one of my ex-flatmates, Reema (name changed) called me because she wanted to meet my boyfriend and me. I agreed and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
Until that day, I had the notion that people knew how to stay within their limits. I was wrong.
I was unable to make it that day and it was only Reema, two of my other girlfriends and my boyfriend who went out. I never really trusted Reema because she was a s**t but I truly trusted my boyfriend and my other friends (Shyla and Priyanka) who were with them. Stupid me!
Cutting a long story short, all of them got drunk and that b***h Reema made out with my boyfriend. And he let her! I was unaware of it for 4 months. Though Shyla and Priyanka witnessed everything, they didn’t tell me a word.
My boyfriend cheated on me with somebody who was not even better than me!
I am not saying this because I was jealous. But I was the best in my school. I was all that every guy wanted yet my boyfriend cheated on me. Though we got physical several times after this incident, he never felt guilty or cared to tell me the truth.
My roommates Mona and Simran told me that something had happened that day, which Shyla and Priyanka were hiding from us. They had heard the two of them talking about my boyfriend making out with someone else.
But I didn't believe anyone. That’s how much I trusted him.
Ultimately, Priyanka confessed everything to Mona and I was forced to know the truth. When I confronted him, he crossed all limits of being a jerk and said that he was too drunk to remember anything from that night. Even when Reema confessed the truth, he didn't admit it and I broke up with him.
But our break up lasted only for 3 days. He apologized to me and promised that it would never happen again. So I forgave him. He manipulated me like always and we got back together.
Then he pretended to be the best boyfriend in the world and like a fool, I believed him.
Little did I know that that incident was just the beginning. Soon, it was time for our school fest. He was an amazing dancer and he started rehearsals with Reema and some other girls from class 11.
I tried not to react though it bothered me. But I didn't want to stop him from doing what he loved.
During one of our lunch breaks, Reema came to him and started pulling him by his tie. Instead of stopping her, he just went along without even thinking about me.
Whenever any girl gave him attention, he would forget all about me.
After everything that had happened, Reema still had the audacity to take him that way and he didn’t even object! As I stood there alone, I felt helpless and hurt. However, I refused to give up.
I went down to look for him but I couldn't find him. I waited with the hope that he’d come back to the class to take me along, but he didn't. He had forgotten me again. I broke down in front of everyone.
For the first time, everybody in my class saw me cry.
He didn't come back until the second last period. When he returned, he said that he'd been busy and started his regular drama. Once again, I forgot everything and forgave him.
The next day, when I was on the school bus, a ma'am asked me why my boyfriend and I had broken up. I was shocked. I told her that we hadn’t.
She said that she’d seen him dancing with Reema in a vulgar way and thought we'd broken up. I was shattered. When I questioned him, he managed to convince me and as always, I believed him. Things were normal for a month but he could not give up his old ways. He started avoiding me and spent time with the other girls from class 11.
Slowly, people started talking about his behavior towards me. Everyone noticed that he was always with the other girls and not me.
Then he did something completely unimaginable. He went out with Shreya who was interested in him ever since she joined the school. He didn't even bother to tell me!
He even attended extra classes after school just to spend time with her. He forgot everything that we had been through and all the moments we spent together. He would just wait for school to get over so that I would go home and he could spend all his time with her.
When I tried stopping him, he said that I was being possessive and illogical.
He claimed that he needed help in studying. Eventually, I discovered that he rarely attended the extra class and both of them went out every day. I was breaking from within yet I didn't show it to anyone.
He wouldn't call or message me and if I tried, he wouldn't answer. I also got to know that he made Shreya sit on his lap when there was no space in the car!
He started looking for reasons to leave me and got one when my ex-boyfriend joined our school as my junior.
We lived in the same housing complex and were the last two people to get off the bus. We had always been close and there was no hatred between us even after the breakup.
My boyfriend started having a problem with him and asked me to stop talking to him. And I really did it. We promised each other that he wouldn’t speak to Shreya and I wouldn’t talk to my ex. He just pretended while I obliged for real.
Once, when I was in the school office, my ex entered and asked me for water. I was giving him the bottle and my boyfriend saw us. He broke up with me! He stopped talking to me for 2 whole days. I loved him so much that I was going mad.
Even after everything that I’d been through, I couldn't imagine not talking to him.
But it didn’t matter to him and he started going out with Shreya in front of me. I cried every single night.
After almost 2 weeks, he started talking to me properly. Then he said that if we had sex, he would not stay back after school. So we had sex in the girls’ washroom. I was happy that at least that day, I’d keep him away from that b****. But I was dumb to believe him yet again.
This time, he left me half way and ran to her. She flirted with him and he let her.
My legs shivered as I walked to confront him. He said that he’d decided to stay in school but I’d heard Shreya tell her friends that they were going to bunk the class.
He had used me for his satisfaction and I'd failed to stop him from going with her.
This became a routine. He stayed back and went out with her. They probably had a physical relationship too. I went into depression but nobody knew what I was going through. I had lost myself yet I wanted him back.
He said he was not ready to get into a relationship with me again.
I didn't know what to do. I was losing the purpose of my life. My parents had always considered me a burden and now, even he didn't want me. I didn't have anyone who cared about me.
I decided to jump from my balcony and end it all. I know how determined I was that day.
Just then, I got a video call from him. Maybe God had a different plan for me. He said that he wanted me back. Finally, things were becoming fine and I started believing that our relationship was getting stronger.
But I was wrong. Once again, he believed some other b***h who made up fake stories because she was incapable of making her own relationship last.
How could he believe anyone after all that had happened? Why couldn't he trust me?
I felt so helpless. The bad times refuse to get over. I guess this keeps happening because there is nothing between us anymore.
Now, after two and a half years, he has promised to be mine. I don't have much left in me but I still love him and I cannot imagine my life without him.
I don't know if he will keep his promise this time or forget it like always.
But this is the last time. If he chooses someone else again, I will not wait for him. I will disappear like I never existed and he will not see me ever. He'll probably miss me or may just forget all about me.
If he does stay with me and actually means what he said this time, then my dream may come true and I will marry the guy I have always loved.