self worth forgiveness relationship self love

Why Do I Let People Put The Blame On Me In A Blink Of An Eye?

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*For representational purpose only.
I forgive people very easily, but I never forget what they do to me. 

Why's it so hard for people to forgive me and also forget what I did at the same time? I get it. Letting go of something isn't everyone's cup of coffee. Why do they perform the act of forgiving me? I say, "I'm sorry," and they say, "It is fine." But it isn't, I know.
If it is fine, why aren't you talking to me properly or replying to me properly? Why? Why the hell are they lying to me? When I say it is fine, it really is fine.

I've had a tonne of real-life experiences with these. Why do they come to me when they are in need of something? I would legitimately beg them to forgive me, but all I get is insults and hurt. Why do I go back to them again like a fucking dog? 

People are so fucking self-centred. They want me to forgive and forget. They call it "the attitude problem if I don't forgive."  They call me a "psycho." If I don't forget, they call me an "emotional loser." Wow. 
Why do they have a problem with the way I am? The way I am is what I am. I have no idea how to change myself for any fucking one on earth. I love myself. More than anyone else. So why do I compromise for others, even when I haven't made a single mistake? Why?

Why do I let them blame me in the blink of an eye? Is it because I value relationships more than myself? Or is it the emotional dependency crap that I have on some people in my life? Why? 
Why do I cry when they don't talk to me? I should value myself, my dignity, and my feelings over others, right? Should I just stop giving too much of a damn to some people in my life? 

Self-reliance is something I am chasing terribly. I am running, running, and running, and I am still running. It feels like a never-ending marathon. 
Emotional dependency on someone is what I am trying to chuck out of my life. I'm trying to attract self-reliance.
But why? Why am I receiving what I don't want? 

Getting hurt at an extreme level is not something I'm used to. People have treated me like jack shit. And I was still sticking to them. Why? 

That's not me. I'm a girl who's in love with herself. You can call me a narcissist chasing self-reliance. Will I be happy by choosing to live all alone, depending on no one but myself?

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