My Parents Liked His Profile And They Married Me Off: Now I'm Living My Nightmare

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 20 April, 2017

My mother forced me into marriage. Even though I wanted to pay off my education loan and build a career first, she coaxed me into creating an account on a matrimonial website.

I wasn’t prepared to take up the responsibilities of a married life but through constant threats and emotional blackmail, she made me skim through profiles of different men, every day. It was here that I met my husband.

He held a work visa for UK for two years, and that was what everybody really cared about. My mother asked me to send him a request. He replied immediately and from then on things moved rapidly. The first time he spoke to me, everything felt alright. I was a bit uncomfortable, yes, but I thought it would get better with time. Then one day his parents came to my place and gave me money for my birthday dress, and that was their way of accepting me as their daughter-in-law.

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After that, my life started changing. One day my husband-to-be called and said that he expected me to talk to his parents daily, even if I didn’t talk to him. I felt uncomfortable, but thought maybe it was something that was expected out of girls and started making daily calls to my in-laws. Then, he asked me to video chat with him from London. With every passing day, his chats got dirtier.

Sometimes he would ask me to strip and prove my virginity to him, and at other times he would say "You are foreign-educated, so hard to trust girls these days, also it is boring only to see your face everyday, turn the webcam a bit down, I want to see your ****", or, "I am going to be your husband anyway, will you not show me after marriage?"

I felt repulsed and shocked at his demands, but didn’t know who to share it with. Plus, I feared losing respect in society and so thought it best to keep mum. But things kept getting worse. His parents threatened, insulted, mocked, harassed and extorted me and my family in every possible way. They even came up with excuses for their unjust behaviour – apparently, my father-in-law was schizophrenic, my mother-in-law had a surgery and my brother-in-law was told by an astrologist that his life would be short-lived.

So, I was supposed to quietly bear everything they said. They even asked me to get my HIV test done before marriage. Like a naïve little girl, I thought this test was probably necessary for obtaining a visa.

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Only later did I realise that it was their way of judging my character. They were also very particular about dowry and took away almost everything that my parents had.

Back then, I let go of all this only so that I could start my new life on a positive note. But, I was constantly harassed and kept in dark. My husband never shared anything about his life with me. He was very secretive about it and used to lie to me, all the time. He never let me talk to any of his friends, relatives or colleagues and kept me under house arrest. He hated me as much as he could. The only time he was good to me was when he slept with me. Even then, he would force himself upon me.

To him, I was merely an object of pleasure. His biggest complaint with me was that I did not work. So, I started working. But when I became pregnant with his child, he suggested I have an abortion and keep working. I refused to abort my pregnancy and kept working till the last month of my pregnancy.

He never bought me any gifts, never took me out anywhere. All he ever did was criticise me for how bad my parents were, how bad my brother was, how bad I was, how bad I looked, how ashamed he was to take me outside with him, how ugly my colour was, how nasty my smile was and how fake my behaviour was. He called me names and accused me of sleeping around.

He even had a criminal record in UK for money laundering and breach of immigration law. I got him out of that ordeal by consulting the best lawyers. Instead of being thankful to me, he blamed me for bringing bad luck upon his life.

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Eventually, I started living away from him, with my child and parents. He visited and I never resisted to that, but I couldn’t take his nonsense any longer. A man without commitment, individuality and love for his family can’t be tolerated for a lifetime.

I also kept my child away from him and his family. But he couldn’t take it, so one day he came to kill me and take my child away. That’s when I knew an action had to be taken. I lodged a police complaint and filed a petition for divorce.

Even today, he continues to blackmail and threaten me. My married life was a torture, a nightmare that left me with cervical pain, hormonal imbalance and depression. It has scarred me for life. I am only living and struggling each day for my son. The world is a cruel, cruel place, but I guess living through it is the only option. However difficult living and bringing up my son alone may feel, I will never go back to my husband.

I wish there was a way out of this hell. I wish. Till then, I will keep trying.