indian marriage gay man In the closet new relationship false relationship Hidden Sexuality deception Guilt and Shame

I'm Lying To My Wife, Because I Know The Truth Will Destroy Her...

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
It’s been four years, and I am happily married with a 1-year-old daughter.

Happily to anyone who meets me. I am sort of an ideal husband. My in-laws treat me way better than they treat my wife. I am like the son they never had. 
My wife is super happy about me and goes beyond lengths to praise me. It’s like an ideal situation to be in. But, deep down, I feel like I have cheated everyone in my life. All the good things people say about me are because I create such an aura for them. 
I am not saying that I didn’t do any good. But it’s all superficial. I know how much pain I am causing everyone who is involved with me—especially my wife and daughter. 
The truth is, I am gay. I won't deny that I was attracted to men before marriage.I knew that all along but was simply not ready to accept it.
To me, a normal life was supposed to be having a family and doing all the things straight men do, so I felt the need to get married.
It was an arranged marriage, and I married the first girl I met. My wife is an amazing human being, and I fell in love with her.

I care about her a lot and want her to be loved in all the ways possible. It breaks my heart to lie to her each and every day. 

I just cannot understand why I had to marry her and spoil her life.

We come from a very conservative Marwari family, and being divorced will be looked down upon.
I feel ashamed about what I have done to my wife and am not sure what the next step should be.

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