I am a married woman who is at a crossroads in life. My story goes back to the time when I was undergoing training at my first job. My parents were looking for a match for me but I didn’t like any of the guys. Around that time, I received a call from a guy who happened to be in the same training as me. We spoke for a few days and eventually, he proposed marriage to me.
Ours was not a love affair; we talked professionally and discussed our demands from each other as a couple.
We decided to get married after we were on the same page. However, he became a different person after marriage. He was a mama’s boy who would spend all his time with his mother. He said that we should sleep in his mother’s room because she was alone. I found it absurd but I didn’t say anything.
When I suggested that we go on a honeymoon, he said that he wanted his mother to accompany us.
But that was not all. His mother and he were extremely money-minded. My mother-in-law took away all the shagun that I had received during the wedding. So much so that I didn’t have money to go to my office. When I asked my husband for money, he gave me some cash for two days but on the third day, he asked me to go to my parent’s house and bring my ATM card.
He said that his expenses had increased after marriage so I should start giving him my salary too.
I understood the situation and offered to share the expenses but I told him that I couldn’t get the ATM card. I had never used it and if I were to suddenly ask my parents, they would be worried that I was having problems in my marital home. I was shocked that he couldn’t bear my expenses even for a few days.
He refused to believe me and started telling people that my parents use my salary and don’t give me anything.
The few times that we went out for lunch or dinner, he’d ask me to pay half the bill. After seeing his behaviour, I decided to share only 50 per cent of the monthly expense.
He was not concerned about my parents either. Being an only child, I visited them often and whenever I asked him to accompany me, he said that he didn’t like going there. He bluntly told me that he didn’t like my parents at all.
All he wanted to do was sit with his mother or lie in her lap and I was also forced to sit there.
His mother treated me with love in front of him but the moment he went away, her behaviour would change. I was not allowed to change a single thing in the house.
She never made me feel that it was my home too.
Another shocking thing I discovered was that my husband didn’t want children. He believed that they were a burden because they increased expenses. Though I was eager to have kids, I did not say anything to him.
After a month of our marriage, my mother fell seriously ill. But he never cared to visit my family or ask my parents if they needed any help. A few months later, my father had a heart attack and was admitted to the hospital for 15 days.
He visited him only once after I begged him to come.
Eventually, my father was discharged from the hospital but his situation remained critical and he had to visit the doctor every week. Yet my husband never cared to visit them or offer any help.
Around two years later, my father fell sick again and had to be admitted to the hospital. He was admitted for more than a month but my husband visited him only twice when he happened to be in the same area for some work. Ultimately, my father’s condition worsened and he expired in the hospital itself. My husband came to our house only on the day of the death and for the bhog.
He did not try to console my mother or me or fulfill any responsibility of being a son-in-law.
It was my cousins who helped me with all the rituals. After my father’s death, his mother started behaving strangely. She wanted me to come back home immediately after the bhog. But I insisted on staying for a few more days, as I couldn’t leave my mother alone in such a situation. Two days later, she came to my mother's place to take me home.
When she saw my mother and me crying, she said, “Why are you crying? Your father was 60 years old and it was his age to go.”
I was appalled at her behaviour. How could she say such an insensitive thing when she was 65 and perfectly fit! I refused to go back with her. It was the first time that I’d refused her for anything. She called my husband who started shouting on the phone saying that I’d insulted his mother.
He said that I was plotting against them so that he would leave his mother and stay in my parent’s house as a ghar jamai.
After everything that has happened, I've decided that I will never go back to him. My husband never supported me in any situation but I’m expected to take care of him and his family. I don’t see any reason why I should live with such a man.
I don't know if I'm right or wrong but I want to divorce him.
I will adopt a child and live my life happily.