pregnancy Confession

We've Stopped Trying For A Baby And It Hurts Terribly

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

This November I will be celebrating my 6th wedding anniversary!

Like any other married couple, we have also been trying to have a baby now for the past 4 years. We tried various medicines, various treatments. Even after all the reports being normal for both of us, we are unable to concieve.

Now my husband doesn't want me to go through any other treatment, mainly for two reasons. The first being that I am sensitive to most medicines and the sort of side effects on me that range from minor to adverse. He had agreed to go for some treatments only after I pushed him. He is hell bent now that I shouldn't take any medicines as it might cause future health concerns. Secondly, he lost his aunt in January this year to breast cancer where the doctor had mentioned that one of the reasons for her condition could be all the different hormonal treatments she underwent for 15+ years to have a baby with no luck. He is worried that the same might happen to me if I continue with the medications for the treatment.

He doesn't want to lose me. It has been 9 months since we decided we shouldn't be doing any further treatments but I feel lost.

I understand all his fears and love for me. But at times, this puts in a dark place. Where I feel incomplete.

I try to engage myself in different activities so that I am distracted from the thought of having a baby. But, that's just not enough. 

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