I Was Always Her Wingman And Now It's Too Late For Me To Fall In Love With Her

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 14 June, 2018

I met her again, in a new city. She was my old friend from the city where I was born and brought up in. I had first met her about 7-8 years back while hopping parties. The first time I saw her, I felt that attraction. We had become close friends to very close friends in a matter of time. We used to party together, share our personal problems and I knew it is this person who understands me. A boy whom I knew and was nice to me came up to me and told me he loves my friend. My friend was looking for a good guy to get married to. I felt that yes I have got the right guy for her. I told her about it.

They met and then they liked each other, then they started meeting more often and soon got together. I was their cupid.

As they got closer I started getting jealous as she would now spend more time with him. I got a girlfriend by then and I told her about it. She hated it. She said that I love her that's why I feel so bad. I assured her and said, “no I love you and I am with you”. We started having problems between us because of her presence in my life and slowly I stopped communicating with my best friend. Meanwhile, she got married to the same guy and was living her life. After 3 years, I broke up with my girlfriend and life had taken a sudden turn. I was not ever the guy who thought of marriage but when I found my girlfriend really taking care of me, I proposed her for marriage. Three months before I got married, my life took a U-turn. I lost my job and my marriage got cancelled.

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Finally, I broke up with my girlfriend turned fiancé. With a broken heart, I came to a new city when suddenly one day I got a text from my best friend that she was in the same town. We met and I got to know that she was having a troubled marriage and has run away from our city to settle in the same city as I am in. We both needed that comfort and decided to start staying together. She took consent from her family and hubby and started staying with me. Her hubby visited us often and a new chapter started. Every day when we would come back from work, we would talk and share our daily life issues. It felt just like it was a few years back. We would comfort each other. She was in a new city and she was pretty, so she was getting a lot of male attention. I started getting jealous again.

I started to get jealous even when her hubby would visit and I would see them getting intimate.

I realized that this is love. That lump in your throat and the goosebumps of unfinished love, explains a lot. I expressed my feelings but she told me that we are best friends and I should let it be like this. I wanted to agree as she was married but more than that, I tried to agree. But the pain would just have no boundaries. Endless nights of tears and the helplessness of not expressing your love so that you don't lose that friend started killing me. I decided to make the move. I told her we should not stay together as it is hurting me. She didn't agree at first but then she agreed too. The last night when we were together she hugged me tight as she lay beside me. It made me feel like she loves me too but cannot do anything as she was in a marriage and our society would not accept it.

My burning desire was to express my love that night, but I restrained myself. She was married, how could I?
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Now I have moved to a different place and she also stays in a new place. Her hubby has moved back, and they seem happy. But I am not. I couldn't express my love to the person whom I love the most. I couldn't touch her like I would want to even when she was sleeping beside me. Because my mind kept telling me it was paap. My heart said, “she is your love and she is hugging you tight so you express yourself”, but my mind said, “no you just can’t”. I can't forget her anymore now. Her thoughts cloud my mind and the lump inside my chest when I think of her inflicts pain.

I will probably live with this pain but can I fall in love again? No I cannot as my best friend is my love and I can never let her go as she is and will always be my best buddy.
Editor's Note:

Share this story because sometimes you really don't realize what you feel for someone till it is too late.