An old adage says, "You should be with someone who loves you more than you love them". It sounds simple but has a deep meaning.

I am a woman in my early thirties and a mother of a one-and-half-year-old girl who can deeply relate to this proverb. I was a small town girl with dreams to make it big in life. I wanted to pursue my higher studies and settle in a big city. I knew I had to work hard to accomplish my dreams.

But somewhere, behind all these aspirations, I had a romantic heart with dreams of finding a soulmate.

Like most other girls, I spent my childhood watching Shah Rukh Khan’s love stories. “Love is eternal and it should happen only once.” “Love conquers all odds.” “Someone somewhere is made for you and many more.” I believed all those words and waited for my true love.

I met my BFF after completing class 10. Let’s assume his name was Raj. He belonged to a different town and had joined our school in class 11. I clearly remember the first time he looked at me. He was a shy guy wearing specs. When the teacher called his name for the first time, all of us looked towards him. He glanced in my direction and introduced himself. Soon, we became good friends.

He was a brilliant student and I was the topper of the class but it didn’t hamper our friendship.

We had a healthy competition between us. Whenever I was in any kind of trouble, he was always there to help me. People started teasing him with my name and I didn’t like it. He was brilliant and was also good at heart, but he wasn't very good looking.

He did not fit into the image of my soulmate (who had to be tall and handsome).

But I considered him a very good friend. Our parents also knew about our friendship and his mother liked me very much.

After our final exams got over, we prepared for the entrance exams. Unfortunately, both of us could not secure seats in good engineering colleges and my morale went down. But he encouraged me and stood by my side. The following year, we secured admission in good colleges, but in different parts of the country.

Our friendship became a long-distance one.

During that time, we did not have Facebook, WhatsApp or Skype. In fact, I didn’t even have a mobile in my college. The only mode of communication was letters and phone calls on the hostel landline.

He had a hard time in college due to ragging and I could feel his pain through his letters and calls. I also faced several problems during the initial days and he was always there when I wanted to vent out my anger and pain.

Though he was always knew about my dreams of finding my soulmate, he chose not to propose to me at that time.

He discussed his feelings for me with one of my friends and she told me about it. But I never confronted him. He told me that everybody in his college thought I was his girlfriend. I laughed and asked him the reason but he remained silent.

Things began changing when I started getting too much attention and several proposals in college. I strayed from our friendship.

I got busy with my new friends and started giving Raj lesser time. Then, at the beginning of the third year, a guy came into my life.

He was tall and handsome and perfectly fit the image of my soulmate.

I got engaged to him and while the initial days were good, the problems started soon after. He was not serious about the relationship and my friends warned me about his intentions. But I was blinded by love and fooled by his sweet words.

I thought love could win any situations and he would change eventually.

Every time I had a fight with my boyfriend, I would call Raj and he’d console me. Soon, college ended, and so did my relationship. The guy ditched me and shattered my dreams about love. I was all alone, away from home, in a metro city where I'd bagged my first job.

While I’d managed to fulfill one dream, my heart was broken.

It took me a few months to get over this betrayal and Raj was always by my side. I wish he would’ve proposed to me at that time, but destiny had other plans.

He kept dropping hints about our future but I was not mature enough to understand and act on it.

Two years went by and I got accustomed to my new life. Then my husband Sayan (name changed) came into my life. He was a decent guy who was serious about our relationship and me.

Our love had to face several obstacles but he stood by me like a solid pillar.

His parents were against our marriage due to caste issues but his commitment and love towards me were unconditional. It took us three years, but he managed to convince his family and we tied the knot. Sayan was an understanding and caring husband. After four years of marriage, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter.

I’d finally settled down in life and believed that all my childhood dreams had came true. I had found my soulmate and got more than what I'd expected.

Raj also married one of his colleagues. I still remember his face going pale when I told him that I was getting married.

After 7 years of being married, I discovered that Sayan had been cheating on me for the last few months. My entire life turned upside down. I couldn’t digest the fact and fell seriously ill. Fortunately, Sayan realized his mistake and worked hard to bring our life back on track.

It’s been a year now and things are finally getting better. We went through couple therapy to analyze the problem in our relationship. But I did not give up on us.

I’m still working on my marriage because of my daughter, as she is very small and loves her father way too much.

I paid the price for believing in love and realized that fairy tales don’t exist in real life. When I look back and analyze my life, I realize the mistakes I've made.

True love was in front of me but I couldn’t see it.

And the biggest irony is that I couldn’t share this fact with Raj. I didn’t tell Raj about the tragedy of my life because I didn't want any trouble in his life.

I know that he still loves me but I wish I could’ve recognized his love at the right time.

We all have that one person who loves us more than we love them and they would quite literally do anything to be with us. But we overlook that nice guy or girl because we are not mature enough to understand that love or we don't feel the spark or attraction towards them. Had Raj proposed to me, my life would have been very different.

I was looking for a spark and attraction but forgot the basics.

Love needs to be unconditional to pass the test of time. Attraction is important, but we should not value it over a person’s character or their ability to become a great partner. The most important characteristics that you seek in your potential soulmate should be integrity, compassion, optimism, and dedication.

I failed terribly in judging people.

Trusting and marrying the wrong person was the biggest mistake of my life. But I cannot go back and change anything. I don’t have any hope for love in this lifetime and I am alive only for my daughter.

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