My story is about a boy who was my best friend (I guess that's what we were). It goes back to the first year of college, when we were part of the same group. He had a way with girls.
I had started getting close to him, when one of my group mates warned me against getting attached as he easily hopped from one girl to the other. After her advice, I tried staying away from this boy, but he wouldn't let me. Before I knew it, I was attached to him!
And the inevitable happened; he moved on to the next girl in no time, and started dating her.
Luckily, I also managed to move on with new friends. It was the final year of my college and I had made a decent bunch of friends but this guy was in touch with me on and off. Soon, he started keeping in touch regularly. He kept asking me to meet him, which I ignored for almost 3-4 months. But then, I decided to meet him as the past was in the past.
When I met him, I realized that he had broken up with his girlfriend a few months back and his college and school friends had literally abandoned him. I felt sorry for him and we started speaking regularly. He had a girl best friend since childhood and he started making combined plans with both of us. We became a small, lovely group of friends. We joked, laughed, made plans, pulled each other's legs; it was perfect. But good times come to an end.
My family had started a venture and at its launch party, we got drunk and he kissed me on my cheeks. I was taken aback as we had never even hugged each other.
I thought that he had feelings for me, but I also knew that a kiss on the cheek could just be friendly.
But slowly his behavior started changing. He started texting me 24/7. Not a single day passed without us talking on the phone. He shared his family issues, childhood memories, fears, almost everything with me. His body language changed towards me. He would even travel from far just to meet me. He would bitch about his childhood BFF, calling her ‘very creepy and bugging!'
He chose me over that girl and sometimes, I felt good about it, but I also felt very bad for her.
I was certain that he had feelings for me because he showed no interest in any of his other crushes. I too started falling for him. Slowly, we started flirting over texts and I was sure that he would ask me out soon. I kept waiting and thought that I should probably take the initiative.
My mother didn't like him much but I was too influenced by him to listen to her (which is my biggest regret).
One day he drunk called me and while I waited to hear about his feelings for me, he said, “This girl next to me in the club is so cute!” My world crumbled around me. I couldn't believe that he didn’t like me! I felt numb and decided to maintain my distance from him. I would abruptly end conversations and he would get furious. I would reply late and he would lose it.
Eventually, his school friends started including him in their plans and he stopped bothering about me. But I was breaking down everyday. I couldn't sleep or eat or do basic activities. I was in a completely toxic almost-relationship.
I hated being the girl he would flirt with at 1 a.m. but not have feelings for.
When he told me that all our conversations were just a ‘timepass’ for him, I decided to end them. I asked him, “If you start dating someone, you wouldn't flirt with me right?” But he matter-of-factly said, “I will obviously, how does dating someone matter if our flirting is just timepass?”
I couldn't believe that he called me his best friend and treated me in such a bad manner.
I understood what he really was and decided to cut off all ties. My frustration was turning into overthinking and I told him that I understood all his tactics. But he was a real manipulator. Though I always felt a little negative, I didn't cut off at the beginning of our friendship because he had told me how his friends had suddenly stopped talking to him. And I didn't want to become one more BI*** in his life, though soon I realized that all those previous BFFs (who were all girls) left him because of his toxic nature. I decided that I would give him a reason and not ghost him.
I told him that I need time off because I had feelings for him and he clearly didn’t feel the same for me, to which he said that I could take my time off and meet other people but he also said, “Understand that not spending time with you means that I’m spending that time with someone else. My priorities will change and I won't be there for you when you need me because then I will not need you!"
I realized what a cheap, manipulative a*****e he was who had befriended me for his own selfish needs.
Last month, I messaged him to talk about our situation but he said, “Don’t message me, I am currently happy in my life. [Some other girl's name] is my temporary happiness!” Today, I regret not listening to my mother and her warning signs. It's been 2 months since I stopped talking to him, and my life has changed for the better.
I don't miss you my friend, but I hope you start valuing people and don't just use them for your needs.