Dear Best Friend,
How are you? You appear much happier now. Your last display picture with your wife and you enjoying the summer with broad smiles is proof of it. And why not! Ultimately, everything worked in your favour and it hurts to know that I am no longer your friend.
How easily you discarded me from your life without any explanation or reason.
It was you who followed me around during school and tuitions; it was you that needed help from me. All the presentations and notes, exams and reminders; you were dependent on me for everything and I made you a part of my life. I too had emotions and expectations but you didn't care. What you did was unimaginable; you ignored me, insulted me and abandoned me! You told everyone that I nagged you and ruined your life.
I was shattered and you laughed at me, calling me crazy.
I was away for a few days because I had issues with my family and when I returned, you scraped me off like I meant nothing. You replaced me; my calls went unanswered, things went unspoken and the cowardice of blocking and ignoring triumphed over years of friendship.
I was more disheartened by you than my own family.
I’ve always questioned myself and wondered why did it ever happen if it was never meant to be? You had the answer but you never bother to tell me. I was broken when you said that it was me who considered us best friends and you never felt the same way. I was the one who wrote your exams on behalf of you and stood by your side to console you after your breakup.
But you blamed me for your breakup when the reason was your selfishness and ignorance towards the people who love you!
I still remember the day you got engaged and I showed up at your house to congratulate you. You didn’t even look at me nor did your family members. I guess you criticized me in front of them too.
I could feel the distance that had crept between us.
I left from there and wept the whole night. I didn’t eat for three days in a row, I kept waiting for your message but you didn’t say a word. I detached myself from the world, I hated my family, I hated myself and I hated you!
When you were getting married, every common friend of ours was invited except for me. Maybe I was so special to you that I didn’t deserve to be a part of your happiness.
You celebrated while I died a little more.
A simple phone call would have had me running to be by your side but it didn’t happen. Even your wife didn’t spare me the grief. She would always give me angry looks and taunt me for being vulnerable and disgraceful.
I stalked your social media but never had the courage to like any photo. However, I could see that you were happy partying, dancing and enjoying. I wasn't there in any of your pictures though I craved to be a part of them.
I’d like to ask you one simple question, “How many close friends did I have?” It was just you! You were my best friend and my life revolved around you.
When did the cracks start showing? When did you start hating me? Why? How?
You snatched away the few friends I had. You sidelined me, broke my confidence and cherished your victory.
Have you forgotten our dearest friend whom we hung out with? You were aware of my crush on her. She liked me a little more than you, which made you jealous and you started doubting your testosterone! But you knew how to play your game.
You lured her with your secret conversations, dates, and kisses and eventually, she fled to your side. Two of my dear friends were snatched away from me.
I thought that she created the distance between us but it was always you!
You planned every trip with my friends her an without informing me. Then you would send me pictures to make me jealous and to show me that I was not needed in your lives. You chose to be the hero and made me an extra.
The competition between your arrogance and pride ruined our friendship.
On your 21st birthday, I arranged a surprise party for you. It took me an entire month to design the personalized explosion box, prepare homemade chocolates and cookies, gather our friends and arrange a beach party. But you found it too sweet to believe and asked me the reason behind the setup. The reason was that I was your best friend! I hope it’s not complicated anymore.
I always woke up blaming myself and spent sleepless nights thinking about you.
There were times when I needed you the most, the time when I got fired, the time when I broke up, the time when I shifted, the time when I was shattered. Lonely afternoons turned into gloomy evenings, but you never came.
I’m indebted to my work, which let me migrate to a different city. I started meeting new people; I evoked my potential and became a new me.
I started making friends though I knew that I’d never make another best friend.
It’s a trap and I’m thankful to you for letting me untangle myself from the strings of our one-sided friendship. Now, I’ve prioritized my goals and I’m working on achieving them.
I’ve reopened all the paths I’d once shut down and started a new life.
You may have seen my pictures and Instagram stories which prove my words. You will find a better looking and livelier version of me with other people, yes; I like people now but I don’t attach myself to anyone.
You changed me and I changed.
I am working now and have also started blogging. I recreate the good memories, the instances, which made be better and I laugh a little more now. My shadow, my reflections, and my conscience boost me a little more and I miss you a little less.
I started toning myself and saw a good-looking version of me. Praise from the people around motivated me to go on. I started a new venture with my routine and an Instagram model was born.
I have sex, I smoke, I drink and sometimes I also get high; I have better friends now and life is finally looking good. Don’t get me wrong; I know where I belong. A boring nerd has transformed into a flourishing man.
I take advantage of situations but I repay my dues. I don’t create an illusion to gain benefits. I am dark yet clean.
My family knew that you were my best friend. I was always unresponsive to them and took them for granted (Something that I learned from you!). Ultimately, I lost you, you never knew how important you were to me or probably you chose to ignore it. But the bond with my family is unbreakable now.
Distancing myself from them taught me their importance. I acknowledge their virtues now.
Sometimes, I miss your family too. Apart from those bitter years, they were good to me. Your parents always welcomed me with a warm smile and your brother shared his secrets with me.
Looking back, you were never like this. It was you who came up to me when we were in second grade complaining about your broken water bottle and eventually we became friends.
I mended it but when I broke down, you didn’t come to reconcile.
Once a promised friend for life, you stopped talking to me for life, the life where I did my best to make you smile. But you surpassed me and stole my smile. From calling me every day to blocking me everywhere, you killed a part of me, you killed all those years we spent together and you killed our happiness.
Our differences could have been sorted but you chose the other way.
Did you ever consider me as your friend? I have questions that need to be answered because even today when I wake up, I reminisce, I try to move on but I still stagger. I achieved everything but how didn’t I achieve friendship? Was it always my fault?
You said I created a whole world around me and tried to push you into it. Really?
It was you who had different perspectives! You chilled with my friends and isolated me. I'd like to ask you, “Why? Why did you do this?”
I remember the last time we spoke; it was you who didn’t show up for the movie and gave an excuse of being unwell. But in reality, my presence was the reason for your absence. When I confronted you, you said things that broke me. You blamed me for your bad grades because I showed you the answers during the exams.
You claimed that you were not able to make new friends because we went out together. I was overweight and occupied your life; I cared, which made you weak. I cried, which made you strong. Was it really you or someone whom I never knew? Had I known this was going to happen, I would have parted ways earlier, I would not have sacrificed my self- respect.
There was a time when a message from you would cheer me up, a call from you would make my day but somewhere between the decisions that you took, and the choices that you made, we lost our friendship.
Some people accidentally walk over your foot and apologize to you while some people walk out of your life and you don’t even realize it. Have you ever realized it at all?
I tried everything from my side; I visited you, I cried, I explained, I grieved, and I brawled but it was all in vain. You despised me. It went on for days and eventually for months and years. I always wanted you to be a part of my life. But I learned that some stories don’t end as planned. I guess your part in my story was over. So I tried appreciating myself and moved on.
But a part of me believes that you were never like this and someday, you will realize it, you will extend your hand and we will be best friends again.
It is not that I have established a life without you; there will always be a place for you in my life. Sometimes, we don’t move on but we try to obliterate the memories and eventually, we break down.
I’m anticipating your return, hopeful of your smile and longing for a conversation, just like the old times.
P.S: I want you back.