My husband and I lived independently. That’s why my in-laws never witnessed my abuse at the hands of their son and my ex-husband. I finally broke my silence after almost a year of abuse and told my in-laws how their son had been physically assaulting me at occasions and how he used to get angry enough to break my personal belongings and how he'd physically attack me at times.

Hearing what I had to say, my father-in-law said the following things to me, 

"This is not a big issue, it happens in every household."

Then he said, "You should adjust, adjustment is a must in every marriage."

Instead of getting surprised and questioning his son, he insensitively commented on the scenario. But I could see clearly how they normalized physical abuse in their house. It had happened in front of them also, between their elder son and his wife, and his wife, like an ideal Indian woman, would wake up next morning and serve tea to her husband with a swollen eye and a faint smile.

I was an eyewitness to the night my brother-in-law beat up his wife. I tried to explain to my father-in-law how his son's anger was dangerous and he could cause more harm in the future. To which, he said, “Why did you not tell me before, why are you telling me now?” This was just to add more layers of questions and doubts on me. I told him, I didn’t want to discuss our problems with them and make them upset, instead I wanted to resolve these issues myself. But the biggest reason why I never told them about their son’s abuse was that I knew how vicious, aggressive and angry my ex-husband could become and his abuse was sometimes unbearable. 

I wanted to avoid the serious consequences of “damaging his image.”

My father-in-law again said that I should have told him all this before, to which I had no straight answer. I could see how pointless this whole conversation was.

His parents were not even acknowledging abuse as a real problem. For them, it was a regular thing in an Indian household.

Again, the father-in-law tried giving me excuses on why sometimes people do all this in anger and how I should forget old incidents, start afresh and adjust in the future. I was very clear in my head, that I cannot live in an abusive marriage for my whole life.

I could imagine dying early of some chronic illness, depression or assault if I stayed in this marriage. I'd had enough by that time. I was already in depression, going through hormonal imbalances and health issues because of all the stress. I was living in fear every day. Most days, I wouldn't know for what reason I will be abused and assaulted again. It was like walking on eggshells all the time.

I saw no good days in this marriage, especially after knowing that nobody took my concerns seriously. Instead, they were indirectly asking me to tolerate the abuse at the hands of their son.

I told the father-in-law clearly, that I could not live like this. To which, he said, "Oh that means, you don’t want to adjust?" and shook his head in disappointment. They eventually blamed me for not making the marriage work.

I said, "Yes, if that’s what you want to call it, that I am a non-adjusting wife and daughter-in-law, then yes, I will not adjust to this level of abuse." And I dodged the toughest bullet in my life like that. Not because I wanted to but because I had to.

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