Thank You Mom, For Humiliating Me All My Life

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 20 September, 2017

I was born in an upper middle class family where all my basic needs were fulfilled. However, my parents were extremely strict with me. From the clothes I wore to my body type, my complexion, my height; everything was always under scrutiny.

For my mom, society was always more important than her daughter's mental health.

I remember being badly bullied in my mom's hometown due to my skin colour. Summer holidays meant going to my naani's house and being subjected to brutal racist remarks. However my younger sister wasn't treated in the same way because she was taller, fairer, and leaner.

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According to the "conventional norms" decided by my relatives, she was the ‘ideal’ girl.

After all these years of bias, this is what I’d like to tell you Mom.

You knew for a fact that I was way more talented and creative that most people around you. Yet, you never let me pursue my passion. I wanted to pursue theatre and get into music, but you never let me. I was the emotional, extremely accommodating child, who never demanded anything from you or dad.

But you took advantage of my vulnerability and coaxed me into a career that I never wanted.
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Today, at the age of 30, I realize that it was my fault and not really yours. I should have stood up for myself and demanded my share of happiness.

When my younger sister took up a career of her choice, you had no qualms, but when I got even a mark less than the topper of my class, you thrashed me and made me feel humiliated.

You raised my level of anxiety every time I got my performance card and in the process, I lost my self-confidence.

I still remember the day when I turned 22 and you forced me into making a profile on a matrimony site so that you could get rid of me ASAP. I clearly remember you telling me that if I didn’t get married by 27, I’d have to leave the house and live somewhere else.

You made me meet the worst men for matrimonial alliances. They were the kinds whom I could not even think of befriending, let alone marry. When a man rejected me, you were cool about it, but when the reverse happened, you abused and badmouthed me. You did not even spare me in public places.

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You humiliated me so much that I cursed my destiny for being born as your daughter.

Today I am no more that scared 15-year-old. I am 30, well earning and have learnt that no one will stand up for you, till you stand up for yourself. I have learnt to be practical, proactive and not simply accept things the way they are. I have learnt to speak my mind and get what I deserve. I have opinions and the courage to say what I really feel.

The 30-year-old me doesn’t make the same mistakes like the 15-year-old naive teenager. How I wish I had more wisdom back then!

I want to tell you that parenting is not just about providing your kids with tangible necessities. It’s so much more! Being a parent is about holding your child's hand and trusting them. It is about giving them the emotional support that they deserve.

Parenting is not just about procreation for the sake of having crutches for your old age!

Today, I am stuck in a worthless marriage, but I know for a fact that you will never take me back if I decide to break away from it. But that’s ok. I have learnt to fend for myself. I will stand up for myself even if dad, my sister and you decide to shun me.

I have learnt to walk alone and fearlessly wage my own battles!
Editor's Note:

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