My Past Still Control How I Love Today And I Don't Know How To Get Out

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 April, 2018

I’ve been a strong girl all my life. I’ve faced various challenges and difficulties and never thought about quitting. There were times when I cried continuously for hours and prayed to my Lord. I’m a very religious person. I’ve always expected and trusted my Lord more than I do other humans.

People say it’s easy to forget your past. But seriously, is it that easy? I know it’s easy to forget a part of your life, or the people responsible, but what happens if it isn’t just a part of you, but your whole self that carries these experiences?

I’ve suffered a lot, in my life. And I seriously mean a lot. Some of these wounds are impossible to forget and those accused, I don’t think I could ever forget or forgive them. I can’t narrate my entire story here, but I want to talk about a boy whom I love deeply. He was my best friend and the purest soul I knew. I have always been a loyal girl and I know that’s one of my greatest strengths.

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So, it was decided, from my side, that I was going to be loyal to my husband, till my last breath and love him unconditionally. And there never could be any place for anyone else in my life. I’ve always prayed that to my Lord that I would have the strength and power to never hurt him.

One beautiful day, I met this man. He was everything that I could ever wish for. He was angel. He was my reward of honesty and endless pain that I had suffered in my life. He loved me selflessly and unconditionally. I didn’t think it could be possible, but he loved me more than I loved him. And he proved this to me every single time.

No doubt, I loved him selflessly too, but my past, it still horrified me. I love him and I know he loves me too, but I always find a way to prove it to him as often as I can. Sometimes, we fight for no reason and those days, I feel guilty and hurt. Maybe it’s because I never want to lose him. He really was precious to me.

One of the things that I can’t change about myself is my past; I tend to get irritated, jealous and at times, even frustrated because of my insecurities, but I don’t know why I can’t be stable when it comes to this perfect man in my life.

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My love, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you’re the best person in my life and I love you, more than I love myself. And trust me, I have absolutely no intentions of hurting you. Ever. You are my perfect love. The one who keeps all these imperfections of mine, away from me. I know I will overcome my fears, even if it takes time.

I love you unconditionally and you’re one of the best things that have happened to me. I just want you to be patient with me, and pray that you get the strength to do that.

 

Editor's Note:

Share this story, because we should stop letting our past define our future.