My Lonely And Empty Married Life Led Me To The Biggest Mistake
I know it is hard for anyone to write his/her story anywhere but if there is no one to listen to you, you have to face this challenge.
Well my story starts when I was 15 years old and fell for a boy. We both loved each other very much but our families couldn't accept our relationship because he belonged to the lower caste and I belong to a Brahmin family. A three year long relationship came to an end. Well now you all are thinking why I fell for a boy at the age of 15. Answer is I was going through physical abuse by my own brother. When I told everything to my parents, they beat me up because they thought I was lying. While searching for love I fell for that guy but they broke our relationship as well.
A storm of anger was building inside me. I just wanted to get out from all that s*** that was happening to me. At the age of 20 a man aged 27 came to my life and said he wanted to marry me as he loved me a lot (so-called love).
I was disturbed already and hence, made a stupid decision of marrying him but before marriage his condition was to have sex with me. We had a physical relationship and I got pregnant and came to know that he was just playing with me. If I was not pregnant he wouldn't marry me. We got married and had a so-called happy family where they just wanted a maid for their home who could take care of the kids and his mother.
11 years passed and suddenly one day I saw my first love on Facebook and by mistake I sent him a friend request. He accepted it. But the next day I got a warning from his wife and realized I should not disturb them. The very same day in the evening I got a call from an unknown number. I was surprised it was him talking to me, saying sorry on behalf of his wife. He felt very guilty. We started talking everyday and an extramarital affair blossomed that day. He promised me that he will be with me no matter what the condition.
I asked him if our families came to know about us what would he do, he said he will be on my side as I was the girl he loved with all his heart. I fell for him once again as I only wanted the love that was absent in my life. We had a physical relationship, and it was intense . But I was unaware that he was also fooling me as he had a happy married life. He portrayed his wife as a bad lady who only tortured him, didn't love him. And I trusted him blindly.
Then the day came when both our families came to know about our relationship. And that guy whom I thought would stand by me was with his wife. I was left shattered that day. He also played with me. I apologized to his wife, to my husband but nobody wanted to listen to me. He and his wife ruined my life and now lead a happy life but I am living in my husband's house as a caretaker. I asked him for divorce but he refused to give it to me. He treated me as a servant and my parents also want me to live with him. For the sake of the kids I am here. I attempted suicide even.
If I am wrong, God please punish me. Yes I made a mistake that I fell in love with a married man when I was married but the emptiness inside me just wanted love and affection, but it led me to a disastrous life.