I saw the world in my dad and would be glued to him round the clock. He was a friend, confidante and one to whom I fled each time I had a fight with mom. He was the one who took me around the wonders of nature, instilled a love for botany within me and my biggest relief during those hesitant teenage years.
And while my relations with mom were strained it was my dad I looked up to for everything. We were inseparable.
I loved and worshipped him till one day he went missing. I was inconsolable and yelled at mom, blaming her for dad’s sudden disappearance. Post four days of wait when we were about to lodge a missing complaint the phone rang and to my joy, it was dad. I rejoiced the fact that he was safe and anxiously waited for him to return.
However, it was during this time when I realized that his absence was staged and a deliberate attempt to scare and hurt mom. It took me a while to decode his ‘super dad’ image over the years and understand that he had been manipulating me to serve his purpose.
The hatred and disrespect for mom, those horrendous quarrels and long years of troubled teenage years were mere outcome of me being swayed away by his words. And this to take revenge on her for being a step ahead in life and career.
My mother was as sound professionally as she was in personal life. It was unbearable for him to see her being respected and honoured, and counterfeited his intolerance by making her life miserable at home. I, a puppet in his hands, was used as a tool to keep her suppressed.
Though he returned, our relationship had lost its charm and I avoided confronting him lest my disgust showed up. I loathed him and the little we interacted was either for necessities or to fight.
One such altercation turned violent with me telling me how much I hated him for what he did to my mom and more so my relationship with her. And, we never spoke again.
It’s been three years since we last spoke and though I feel the repentance in his eyes each time we cross ways, forgiving him remains a distant dream. As for my mom, our relationship has turned over a new leaf, from being enemies she’s now my best friend. Though I wasn’t there to support her all these years, I’ve made a promise to myself never to let her cry.