Marriage In India Doesn't Give You A Husband, It Turns Your Lover Into A Full-Time Son
I wonder why do Indian laws become a joke in itself. If you punish a daughter-in-law on grounds of cruelty while she tries to separate the son from his parents then why is there no law for a son-in-law who separates his wife from her family? Why is there no law for those mothers in law who tried to separate their daughters in law from their sons? We are in 2017 where we let about modesty but the reality still remains the same.
I'm 27 years old. I dated my husband for 5 long years and then stepped into the decision of marriage. Like any other couple we fought and in minutes we'd forget what happened actually and move on to the next step. When we decided to get married my parents supported me through and through.
I belong from a nuclear family but my husband has always lived in a joint family. As a 26-year-old working woman my thoughts were like "one big happy family that stays together, eats together, have fun together. I will get love from all." Every time I would go there I would be treated as a part of them. I was so happy that my future will be a fun ride.
But never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that things will change overnight post marriage.Share this quote
After marriage I joined my office where things were a little difficult to manage as my travel time increased by 2 hrs . I could not manage with the crowd I was travelling with so I would stand for 2 and a half hours all the way to work and same story while returning. I would reach home by 11 pm with my husband and my mother-in-law would be standing at the door.
I thought she waited for us but no she would only wait for her son. Once he would get into the room she would quite smartly ask me to come inside the kitchen to help her serve the food and when I would enter the kitchen, she would have made nothing and so she'd ask me to cook and I would do it quietly. After food I would go freshen up and when I'd get back, either rotis will be done or sabji will be over, sometimes both and I would have to sleep with a half empty stomach.
I tried it for a month but couldn't take it anymore and hence, kept a maid to cook. My mother-in-law asked her to leave and started demanding for my salary. I was confused about what had happened to her suddenly. She is a teacher herself, earns about 18 to 20k a month from her tuition classes. I'm the only daughter of my retired father, if I didn't help my parents with basic finances, where will they go.
All this kept aside I took my father and mother in law on a trip via flight as it was their dream to board a flight once. Post the trip my mother-in-law started telling me I'm a banjh (a women who cannot have kids) because I asked her for her Gynac's number as I had missed my periods for 2 months and was not pregnant based on the pregnancy test. She took me to her Gynac who gave me medicines that could lead to miscarriage if I was by default pregnant. She did all of this so that her son didn't have to spend money on me and my baby.
Post 5 months of marriage I came to know I was pregnant but at high risk of miscarriage if I kept travelling to work. Hence, I had to quit. The day I did this her torture started. I was not given proper food and medication. I was 85 kgs and I shed down to 69 kgs in just 2 months.Share this quote
A movie date with my husband would also turn into a family movie plan. She would make my husband sit and gossip with her for hours after dinner. Sat-Sun would turn into a busy schedule because we'd have to take them out for bank work, some relatives' place etc. while the relatives would lock themselves in their room. My husband's granny would stick to her daily TV shows. I would have nothing to do but finish household work, cook for 9 people and sit locked up in my room.
One day my parents gave me a surprise visit. My mom entered the house and asked for me. My mother-in-law lied saying I was taking a bath. My mom knocked on my door and I opened it crying. My parents could sense it that I was falling into depression.Share this quote
That's how I broke the news to them that I was pregnant. They got me home with them. Today I'm blessed with a baby boy and I'm proud to say that it's only me who is bearing all the expenses of my baby. His father has not shed a single penny on us. He is a weekly visitor to his son.
This surprises me because I didn't know how a lover changes into a full-time son post marriage.Share this quote
They feel we are their property and come what may we will not go away since they have a marriage stamp on us. It surprises me to know before marriage I was daughter to the same in-laws for whom I have turned into an outsider post marriage. Yes stories like mine still exist in every second house in India
I have asked my husband a couple of times to rent a house so that he doesn't become sandwich between me and his mom. But his mom says, "If she's telling you this, tell her it's a supreme court law that if she tries to separate you from us you have the right to divorce her."
Does Indian law say if you fights with your parents do you leave them? No we don't but it's also true that my parents don't differentiate between daughter and son-in-law, rather they are respected more in our family. It is also true that standing at the door my mother would help me with a glass of water and ask how was your day and would never let me sleep half stomach. A few kind words, a few nice gestures, a good start to the day from a mother-in-law can actually make it easier for the daughter to adjust into a completely new world.
But I was in my dream world when reality broke in and left me shattered. Now I'm trying to collect my broken pieces and give my life a new start.Share this quote