It’s Been Four Years Now But I Still Hate Looking Into The Mirror

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 5 September, 2017

This is not a tale. It is a real incident that changed my life. It is an incident that ripped my soul apart, killed my confidence and destroyed the real ‘me’.

I was a bubbly, free spirited and confident girl who was loved by all. I wasn’t very beautiful but was not bad looking either. I never really cared about it and did not realize the importance of beauty in our lives. I was studying in the 9th grade when this happened. It was the month of December and Christmas was round the corner.

We were eager to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and preparations were going on in full swing. We were all excited and happy because the celebrations were taking place even in our school. That’s when one of our friends suggested that each one of us draw lots to pick a Christmas friend. There was a lot of excitement and cheering. We prepared the chits and shuffled them. Then one by one we picked up a slip from the lot. I got one of my best friends as my Christmas friend. I knew what the perfect gift for her would be.

Advertisement

Actually we were not supposed to reveal the identity of our Christmas friend till the gifts were exchanged. But this concept was not taken very seriously and most of us knew who was giving gifts to whom.

That’s when I noticed that one of my friends (a boy from my class) standing all alone, away from the hustle and bustle. He looked disappointed. I wanted to ask him if everything was OK. 

One of his friends approached him and I was standing near both of them. The next thing I remember is that I was back in my class crying bitterly. All my friends gathered around me and tried to calm me down. At that time I couldn’t really recall the incident. But after a while the entire scene slowly replayed itself in my head.

One of his friends approached him and I was standing near both of them. He couldn’t see me but his friend could. The next minute I heard him shouting, “I got that girl!” with disgust. He had shouted out my name. He then said, “I don’t want her. That ugly b****!!” There was pin drop silence around us. Everyone was looking at me. And slowly he turned around and saw me standing right behind him. 
Advertisement

He recovered from the initial shock and said something. But I didn’t wait to hear anymore. I ran from there and reached my classroom. I sat down because I couldn’t control myself any longer. I burst into tears and saw my friends running towards me.

I hated going to school after that. I feared speaking up in front of my class. I felt I had lost myself. I cried for the silliest of reasons.

I left that school for good after completing my 10th. I migrated to a different state. But even today my insecurities highlight my life. I fear the world now. My best friend once told me, “I miss the ‘old you’!” And I realize that I miss my old self too.

Author's Note:

It’s been 4 years now. But those few words still ring loud and clear in my head. Things have changed. I am no more a bubbly confident girl. I have developed some kind of fear in my mind; the fear of being rejected again because I am not beautiful. I hate looking at myself. I hate looking into the mirror. I feel that the mirror is also making fun of me!

Editor's Note:

Share this story so that this naïve young girl realizes that true beauty is inner beauty. In time she will learn to have more faith in herself and then she will surely be able to shrug off such hurtful remarks with ease.