I'm Stuck In A Miserable Marriage For My Son

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 15 August, 2017

I've been married for 5 years now. My husband and I never had a good relationship apart from the first few months of our marriage. Ours was an arranged marriage, we met on a matrimonial site and as he was of the same community, our families approved and we got married within 6 months. But whatever little love and respect we had for each other, it all faded away too soon.

Now, he is forcing me to leave him. I loved him so much and we have an adorable three-year-old son. Now he is asking me to leave him. But I can't leave my son.

Since the beginning, we never had any sort of chemistry between us. Our ways of looking at life is very different. We both are equally responsible for spoiling our married life. 
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Because of difference in thoughts and ideas, our discussions turned into arguments. And slowly these arguments turned into fights. We started drifting apart. We completely stopped sharing things, reduced our talks and even the physical intimacy was almost absent. He was never there for me when I needed him the most and he never cared about my existence. He didn't need me in his life anymore.

The worst part is - he never accepted that there was something wrong between us. He always said that all couples are like this. He is a manipulative person. He is a typical IT guy, who loved his laptop and gadgets over everything. Never a day has passed where he didn’t disrespect me and abandon me to live a miserable life. Staying in the same house, where we both share expenses, responsibilities towards our kid and acting like roommates is the only relationship we have now.

I am a working mother, and despite no family support (from my husband's side), I have been handling the office, home and the upbringing of my son, including his needs, wants, and education. 

I remember how I fell into this situation. A few months after marriage, we started having a lot of compatibility issues, fights etc but my mother in-law forced us to plan a family to fix our problems. I wasn't aware of this at that time, and seeing his changed attitude and behaviour, assumed that things are getting better between us and I gave in.

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As he heard the news of my pregnancy, initially he was happy. Eventually, he started disrespecting me again. Throughout the trimesters he had no time to accompany me during any of my routine check-ups. I faced a lot of health issues, but he was too busy with his office work. And, he never let me rest like any other pregnant women. I wasn't even allowed to rest like other pregnant women.

Finally, after doctor pressurized me to take some rest, I felt a little better. And then I was blessed with a new member in the house, our baby boy. As we got our son home, my husband's attitude changed so much, as if he had given me a toy to play with and his work was over. Handling a baby all by me was so difficult but I learned eventually. We started sleeping in different rooms. My son was growing and seeing him always brought a smile on my face and made me forget my loneliness.

But, now we just were parents, our marital relationship has ended. I tried to make the things work between us but he ends up insulting and avoiding me. Finally, I got the courage to speak to my parents and my in-laws about our mutual decision to get divorced. Despite of being an independent woman, he has made sure that I am left with no savings at all. I am broken, shattered, depressed and at times I feel like running away from all my responsibilities. My son is my only inspiration.

Recently, I caught my husband watching porn and flirting with young teenage girls. This made me feel so uncomfortable and out of great courage, I confronted him. He denied everything and asked me to mind my own business, as this is his life and he would do whatever he wanted to and that I’m no one to control him. My son is very attached to his father and that is the only reason I have to bear him every day. I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry, take care and play with my son and keep our relationships moving. But I have no one to talk to. I have got no hopes to make our dead relationship work.

I was in a relationship for four years with a Maharastrian guy. I am Sikh. I had to end our relationship because he was too protective. At times I fought with him as I needed some personal space. He needed sometime to get settled in his life.
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I happened to meet him in a mall while I was shopping with my son. I was delighted to see him after years. He was very caring, loving and responsible. I found a ray of hope after meeting him.

I got to know that he too was married but got divorced after two months of the marriage as it was a forced marriage. He got to know about me and cried seeking forgiveness for letting me go back then. He proposed to me again.

I am in a state of mind wherein my husband doesn't care if I exist or if I am dead. I am just a full-time maid to my husband. In fact, I'm that maid who earns and brings money. On the other hand, my ex-lover loves me and is ready to accept me with my son. But I am too scared to be committed to any new relationship again. I am definitely scared of living alone. I am scared of spoiling my son's childhood for my own selfish reasons. I am scared to give myself a second chance. I am scared of being happy again.

Author's Note:

So, should I live like a single parent? Or should I go back to the love of my life or keep living the same life until the time I can? Please help me take a firm decision.