It’s been over a year since I broke up with him, and still, those memories make me cry. I will blame myself for trusting a guy online for close to a decade without seeing him once.

It all started on a social networking site during my college days; I was head over heels for him. Back then, I thought both of us were in love. But after all these years, he made me realize that he was never in love with me.

He said that it was my fault that I was showering a lot of affection on him, which forced him to talk to me. He was genuine about his personal details like his hometown and his family. But those were the only truths he ever spoke to me. The rest of it, like his job, his personal life, his soul mate, his real financial condition, his current location – it was all a lie.

He used me as a toy, a naïve girl who believed his words and worked as his ATM machine all the time. He always faked his financial problems in front of me because he never wanted to meet me. And I, the innocent person that I am, would always go to his hometown to visit his place. He would see me from distance but never came in front of my eyes. 

May be he thought I would steal him from his girlfriend. Yes, he had a girlfriend whom he loved dearly.

He would give me ten thousand reasons to extract money from me and my emotions always overpowered my logic as I ended up giving money to him.

Let me tell you that I was not aware of his relationship until last year. But when I got to know that he was in a 14-year-long relationship with her, I chose to take a step back. I broke up with him; he was my soulmate – the only one of whom I would think about day and night. I would wait for his call every day. I would long for his sweet words but had failed to realize the real intention behind it.

He could have told me long back that she was his soulmate. I would never get into a relationship with a committed man.

Why would I even think of being the other woman in his life? I just wanted to tell him a few things here – If you recollect the past, I always treated you as my best friend back then. Yes, I knew I cannot live without you. It was you who made me fall in love with you. You would always tell me that you loved me.

I realized that I was in love with you when you asked me “Do you want to marry me"? After the breakup, I understood the true meaning of those words.

According to you, it was just a question. But I was foolish enough to think that you proposed me. Well, even if I have misunderstood, why did you call me day and night? Not just for a day or two, but for all these years. Why would you do romance over the phone and why did you fake a promise that you would meet me one day. Why did you show fake concern?

I am working so hard to pay your debts for the last few years. Our relationship now has no name but still, I am repaying everything that I borrowed for you. It is not the EMI's that are hurting me now. But the fact that you considered me as a wasted piece of paper.

I worked for more than 12 hours a day just to fulfill your needs. But you taught me that one cannot win heart by standing by someone’s side during odd times.

Nevertheless, I thank you for telling me that you cannot live without her. At least, you have released me from my emotional suffering and taught me that my waiting was meaningless.

You both may share the strongest bond. But you have committed a sin by toying with my feelings for your needs. It hurt me that she knew about me and yet, never stopped you from doing this to me.

You both have not just ruined my life financially but you have managed to break the real me.

I lost the passion to live. Nothing interests me anymore. I am trying hard to remove you from my heart and mind. But every time I think of those moments where we were together, it gives me shivers. Few things I can never erase from the pages of my life. 

You called me a devil and expressed how much you hate me. It was this devil who paid your dad’s hospital bills. It was this devil who sold her gold whenever you were in trouble. It was this devil who always prioritized your financial condition over hers.

You said you would give me a baby and asked me to meet you once. Let me tell you, I have wasted enough of my time waiting for you. And I lost the respect for you a long time ago. 

I’ll always wonder why you faked the need for my presence in your life. Why did you fake that you loved me? This game that you played with me will haunt me for life. It’s not easy to erase someone from the heart so easily.

I just pray that God will give you a blessed life. However, karma should come back and teach you the value of love and time. 

One message to your soul mate:

Girl, I hardly know about you. But you have played a major role in ruining my life. You knew every bit of his actions and you knew that he was in a relationship with me but never came forward to tell me the truth just because you both were jobless and in need of an income source.

I am a girl with high moral values. The day I got to know about your existence in his life was when I stepped back, because I didn’t want to ruin a fellow woman’s life.

You will not understand the pain of fighting for love. You may love him dearly but you can never be me. All the best. Stay blessed! I am struggling to come out of the emotional attachment I had with him. Hope that someday, God helps me to get over this trauma.

Yes, I was foolish in love. But when you truly fall for someone, you tend to overlook every fault of theirs.

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