I Was A Broken Girl Who Fell In Love With You, And You Made Me A Slave Of Your Will

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 4 August, 2018

I trusted you and yet you lied to me. For almost two years, you jerked me back and forth on this chain which you labelled it friendship. You ripped down my walls, tore up my secret bushes, and told me I had nothing to be ashamed about. I thought I could be real and honest and speak to matters of my heart that concerned and hurt me. But instead, you slammed the door, put up your hand and backed away.

So I let you go, believing it was over, that you no longer cared.

Every place we used to hang out or frequent often, I avoided like the dark plague. Your soft smile and your gentle eyes I mistook for sincerity and love...but then you were gone and I was left standing naked amidst the ruins and running far away in the opposite direction. For three months, I disappeared, slandering your name, placing warning signs up where I went – wishing you would just stop and leave me alone. Yet when I left, you couldn't take it.

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You tracked me down and stepped in my path, and with your puppy dog eyes, begged me to come back.

So I ran harder and faster, found myself in the biggest mess and then, I could go no farther and you were waiting at that corner of the road. Your slick grin and sweet words wrapped itself around my fatigued mind. Tired and out of breath, anxious but beyond exhausted in my continued attempts at exclusion and avoidance towards you. You just stood there, entreating me to come back, to return to the place I held before.

I wanted to believe so badly you had changed, that you could be good to me but I was wrong.

I gave you back my heart, I fell back into your arms and your lying promises fell thicker upon my ears. In the darkest hours, we would sit and talk about life and matters of discussion. We were friends and that was our golden rule, but how could I not turn to you, look you in those pale grey eyes and tell you that I did not love you?

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You enticed me on walks, re-earned my trust, and broke down my very existence while always playing the perfect gentlemen.

How could I not see that you were only toying with me? That your soft-spoken "hellos" and your genuineness about my wellbeing actually meant nothing to you? You took a broken abused girl and turned her into a slave of your will. You stripped her down until she held no identity apart from yours. How could you look past at the way I idolized you and believed that you were actually real? How could you hear my nighttime cries of pain and never reach across to comfort and soothe me? Did I mean that little to you? I wish you could see me now, see the woman I've become. You might have a tight hold on the rope that shackles my yes's and no's but I won't be made a fool again. I tricked myself to believe you'd changed the second or was it the third time around? I forced my mind to concede that this time you actually cared...but it was only a matter of time before your true colours bled through and I saw those cruel words you sent by email for nothing more than what they were.

You might think you can walk away and win this round, that this bleeding heart means nothing to you...but you have no clue that this time I am lost to you. This last fatal mark on my heart, you've pushed me away and chased me back time and time again.

You made me feel like a rotten sinner for feeling something towards you.

You turned what was once beautiful and good into a smouldering heap. But now, you will remain alone and stand there, and I won't be coming back. I will not be set into another trance of false apologies and crass remarks... because you thought you knew me well. Huh, I guess you're going to receive a lesson whether you are prepared to or not. You might have lassoed this injured heart and you might have stolen precious memories and words from my very lips...but I ain't one to continue playing this game and you no longer hold the lucky card.

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What you saw as an easy weakness turns out to be my greatest strength.

So I'll continue to walk this river of life in the opposite direction of your advances and there will be no second, third or fourth chances. I'm done with this deck you've dealt so craftily and I'm through with your cruel ways and twisted feelings. So goodbye and I hope you regret the day that you ever took a simple kind gesture and turned it into a matter of hearts and steel and didn't think twice before hitting that send button high up on the screen.

Editor's Note:

Never stop loving yourself. Share this story, because it teaches us how to get out of the darkness and find rays of hope again.