I Thought Love Was Trouble But In The End, It Was I Who Failed

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 22 January, 2018

I had given up on love after going through a terrible heartbreak. He had been my senior in college and I had dated him for nearly three and a half years. When I came to know that he was cheating on me I felt like dying. I even thought of ending my life.

But thanks to my super supportive friends who were always with me through thick and thin, I was able to accept the harsh truth and move on with my life. I started recovering slowly and learnt to enjoy my life and be happy again.

I had started talking to a guy while I was going through this phase. Let me call him Nikhil. He was my ex-roommate's friend. He was into theatre and acted in plays. Initially, I found him very irritating. I would avoid replying to his messages. 

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But over a period of time, I realized that he was actually a nice guy with a clean heart.

We started messaging each other constantly. My ex-roommate and I were planning a trip to Manali during the Dushera holidays. So I asked Nikhil if he would like to join us for the trip. He agreed immediately. My friend’s boyfriend also joined us. My conversations with Nikhil grew deeper and we would video call each other every day. It had become a part of our daily routine now.

I had not yet met him but I was slowly getting attracted towards him.

One day, we decided to meet. He called me over to his place. Initially, I was reluctant to go to his house but I agreed after thinking about it for a while. We met at the metro station for the first time. He was really a funny and charming guy. He was tall and had the most beautiful smile.

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We started watching a movie. We were lying down on the bed and after a while, I could feel his legs on me.

Within minutes, we were kissing each other passionately. We made love that night.

He said that he had never had a girlfriend before and all this was happening to him for the first time. We were really into each other that night. The next day we left for work together. Both of us were so happy but we didn’t confess our love to each other. After three days I finally told him that I was falling for him. He too said that he loved me. I was on cloud nine. Soon it was time for us to leave for Manali.

Both of us were so excited. It was the best trip of my life. We were madly in love with each other.

But once we returned to Delhi, I could sense that something was wrong. He would not talk to me on video calls. Even the way he talked to me had changed. When I questioned him about it, he said that his elder brother had come to know about us and he was very angry about the whole thing.

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Apparently, his elder brother had asked him to leave me. I told him to do what he thought was best for him.

That night he said that he could not be with me anymore and asked me to move on. I was shattered. I begged him not to leave me and kept crying all through the night. I asked him not to end our beautiful relationship.

But all he said was that he did not want to hurt me anymore. I had nothing more to say so I had to let go of him.

I spent several sleepless nights and was not able to eat anything. I called him after a week and asked him to give our relationship another chance. He was OK with this and said that maybe we could just try to make things work. I was happy again. We would talk every day and my love for him grew deeper.

But things changed again.

He was not able to spend much time with me because he had his rehearsals after office hours. His play was being staged shortly. I would end up feeling lonely. Sometimes we would not talk for the whole day.

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He told me that he was a very busy person and it was not possible for him to talk to me every day.

I would make peace with this and accepted him the way he was. At times, I would get so angry that I would end up fighting with him.

He would try his best to make me understand.

A few days back, we fought again. And I became numb when he said, “Meri galti thi. Maine attraction ko pyar samajh liya. Mai tumhare saath isliye hu kyuki tumhe meri zaroorat hai. Koi feelings nahee hai tumhare liye.” I was devastated after reading this. Midway through my work, I went to his office to meet him. His office was just ten minutes away from mine. I called him and asked him to come down. He came after 10 minutes.

He was very angry when he saw me. I was crying there. He didn’t even talk to me. He just asked me to leave him.

I came back to my office. He messaged me later saying that everything was over between us. He asked me never to call or message him. I apologized to him but he was not ready to listen to me. I messaged him after three days. I told him I was sorry and promised him that I would never call or text him again.

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I also thanked him for all the beautiful moments that he had given me.

I am having a tough time again. I vowed never to fall in love again after my first breakup. But then Nikhil came into my life and restored my faith in love forever. Today I miss him terribly. Only I know how I control myself from talking to him. But he is happy without me and I want him to be happy. He said that I had made life hell for him. I don’t want to create any more problems for him in his life. We may have been together only for a few days but my feelings for him were genuine. Maybe I had failed to be a good partner to him.

Author's Note:

Nikhil, my love, do well in life. I have no right to ask you to come back to me because I know you deserve much better. But please don’t hate me. It was not my intention to hurt you. Take care and keep smiling. I love you.

Editor's Note:

Share this story if you too feel that it is not always our fault when others fail to understand our love and true worth.