What should I call it?

Rape, forced sex, or my fault, because I met him?

It all started in December 2014 when I met this person through a mutual friend. My friend and I went out for a cigarette, and Kunal (name changed) joined us too. That was the first time I saw him.

He was a good-looking and well-mannered guy with a good sense of humour. However, at that time, I wasn’t aware that he had another hidden ability!

Soon, Kunal and I became good friends. We would meet almost every day. My friend knew that Kunal had a crush on me since day one, so he’d make silly excuses to let us spend time alone and get to know each other.

One night, when Kunal and I were chatting, we got close and I realized that I was falling for him. I was very attracted to him. He too confessed that he liked me and wanted to take things ahead. But I refused, as I didn't want to get into a relationship at that time because of my previous 4-year-long relationship, which had been hell for me.

I was not sure about getting into another serious relationship with anyone.

But I soon realized that even I felt the same way about Kunal. I was confused about what to do because though I liked him, was he actually a nice guy? He did seem to be good and so did his parents, who knew about me.

In fact, his mom liked me more than him. So I erased all the confusion from my mind and said yes to him!

Little did I know that it was the biggest mistake I could have ever made!

After just two days of being in a relationship, I realized how fake he was. My best friend hated him but I was blinded by his love. She even warned me several times but for me, all that mattered was Kunal’s love. I didn't care what people said about him.

He was good to me and that's what mattered.

I didn't listen to my best friend who was extremely worried about me. Eventually, she let it go because I was happy. I was in a relationship with Kunal for 3 months and those were the worst months of my life.

He loved me a lot but also tortured me mentally.

If I had to attend a family function, I’d have to take his permission. Taking a selfie with my cousin brother whom I’d met after a long time also became a big issue with him.

His jealousy drove a wedge between my friends and me. I had a lot of male friends and barely 2-3 close female friends because I’ve always had trust issues with female friends.

Kunal always judged me because of the number of my male friends.

According to him, I’d slept with all of them because we were close to each other and sometimes shared vulgar jokes. He made me look like a person who would sleep with anyone!

I suffered it all in silence to maintain my self-respect and because I was scared that he would end our relationship.

This continued for a month till my birthday. He was more excited about my 18th birthday (I am 20 years old now) than I was! After my birthday, I had sex with him because I was 18 and it felt okay to have sex with the person you love.

It was only later that I got to know that he was a womanizer who had slept with many girls.

Somehow, I’d always had this strong gut feeling that he would leave me as soon as we had sex.

After a month, our college admissions started. All of us had cleared our Class 12 board exams and were ready to jump into degree college. Kunal and I took admission in different colleges and from then on, his tantrums began.

He started avoiding me and would give silly excuses whenever I’d ask him to meet me. And suddenly one day, he broke up with me for no f*****g reason!

For almost 2-3 months, I begged him to give me at least one valid reason for the breakup.

He kept saying lame things like “I cannot ruin your life” and “I’m not suitable for you”. Then, after about a month, in October 2016, he called me up and said, "Can we meet and solve everything? Can we have a fresh start?

I was so happy because he was finally willing to start afresh.

I met him at his place because he said he wasn’t feeling well and did not want to go out. There was no one else at home. That’s when the worst thing happened.

He forcefully had sex with me. Yes! He did, even as I cried and begged him to stop.

I didn't want to have sex until everything was sorted between us, but he refused to listen to me. All he wanted was sex!

Since I was crying, he started cracking jokes to make me laugh so that he could easily have sex. He grabbed my top and forcefully started removing it. I pushed him, scratched him with my nails but he grabbed my hand tightly and started blackmailing me emotionally.

For a second, I thought of giving in, but then I realized that no one can force you to have sex!

He was enjoying my misery while I was begging him to leave me. Remember, how I’d earlier mentioned that this person has another ability? He has the ability to ruin someone's life.

After that incident, we never met. I didn't even dare to see him but that day continues to haunt me. He still calls me and annoys me but I insult him every single time.

I didn't tell anyone about this incident, not even my best friend.

Recently, I confessed to one of my college mates, who is a very close friend. I’ve also been in a long-distance relationship for more than a year now but I’ve not gathered the courage to tell him about this.

He doesn’t know it, but he has helped me in overcoming this s*** and made me a better person. I know he’d never do anything like what Kunal did. My long-distance boyfriend wouldn't mind if we waited until marriage to have sex.

He knows that it's not important to express your love only through sex.

I feel so lucky to have found him!

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