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I Have To Show The World That I Love Him, So I Make It Look Like That

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I was an independent, strong, confident and bold girl. I was the younger one in the family, yet a bodyguard to my elder sister. I was happy and living my life the way I wanted to live.

Of course, I had a couple of relationships which didn't last long. Like many other girls, I never dreamt of a guy that I was actually going to meet. Even then, I thought one fine day I will find him. And then, this happened...

In 2012, I was in this friends-with-benefits kind of a relationship, with no strings attached. That boy was from my institute. Same batch, same class, same age. Our bond was so insistent that we had to go through with a few spontaneous things. We cared for each another. We loved to spend time together talking and chatting. We loved hanging out after class.

He told me about his love story and his girl. I told him about my break-up and past. I finally got my best friend for life, with whom I could share anything and everything. Even if it was personal or private.

Almost after two months, our friendship turned into intimacy, and we never even realized it. It was like a soft soothing wind, just comforting. Although I knew he was in a committed relationship, it didn't bother me. All I needed was a guy who cared for me like no one else did.

We were not in love- we were just best friends and in a physical relationship. He cared for and loved me so much that he didn't even care for his girlfriend. He would ignore her calls and get irritated if I mentioned her name.

Time passed by and my parents started looking for my alliance, and for some reason, I was not at all happy with it. A jolt heavier than thunder had struck my heart. That was when I realized that I had fallen for him. A whole year had gone by with us.

We completed our course and started our job hunt. I got two offers before him, which made him feel jealous, and me being his best friend gave up on those two offers and waited till he could find one. I never told him that I loved him from the bottom of my heart, but I did tell him about my plans to get married.

From then on, he completely changed. He would totally ignore me. He would start a fight for no reason. Once in a while, he would call me or have the heart to respond to my calls to him. It was heartbreaking. I never bothered him a lot because I knew I was marrying someone else, anyway. But it did create a lot of anger inside me.

He made me think for hours, days, months, a whole year: I didn't know what changed in him so suddenly. My ability to love completely died because of this.

It's been five years now. I'm married to a man who may as well be the best person in the world, but it makes no difference to me. I have to look like I love him, so I make it look like it. I'm yet to get over his fake love.

My request to girls out there is this- We all have stories of our life. Experiences. We fall, get hurt, sometimes get deep bruises. We learn from it and become a better person. All I want to say is, be the strongest in your heart and mind. Never have dumb thoughts. Just start living your life bigger and better every time you have a bitter experience.

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