He Came After Me Till He Became My Habit, My Fault Was I Didn't Fall In Love

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 9 August, 2017

It was just another day in my life, and like any normal day I accepted a friend request from my college mate. We were never friends back in college , he used to be shy and hardly left his classroom. He seemed cheerful and charming. Five minutes into our first conversation, he asked me out on a date, saying he was "looking for a permanent relationship".

Of course I turned him down. Eventually over a month or two, we became good friends. He fell in love with me. I gave him importance too, but it wasn't beyond friendship. And like every person madly in love, he made so many promises, he'll always stand by my side and that he believed in "eternal love".

He did everything he could to barge into my personal life, forced me to tell him my problems and secrets. He fought with his parents every week and came to meet me despite me telling him countless times not to do so.
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We chatted almost all the time, everyday, late night video calls even. I was attached to him even though it wasn't love. He was assertive. I had clearly told him I didn't reciprocate his feelings. I even offered to maintain a distance from him so that he could move on. But he never stopped trying to woo me, persuading me to give him one chance. And one day it was all over, just like that. It was a trivial issue we fought over but he went ahead and confessed that he wouldn't live up to the promises he'd made. That he didn't love anyone more than himself. That he'd not consider anyone when he didn't feel like it.

I was hurt, not because I believed the bulls*** he always said but because I was so wrong about him. How did I not see his selfish reasons? If not for his obsession with me, we wouldn't even have been friends.

I chased him for three months after that incident, he blocked me everywhere, Facebook, WhatsApp, hangouts, even my phone numbers. I was left broken. He had become habit by then, I always woke up to his messages and now I didn't have a single reply to hundreds of texts I kept sending. I didn't even know if he was reading them.

I knew I was knocking the door that had been closed forever for me. My performance at college dropped, I didn't find comfort in my hobbies, family, even friends anymore. I failed my exams.

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I was irritable and aggressive all the time. It took a lot of self control to calm myself down. I broke down too soon and too easily, always had to rush to the washroom to cry alone. Food tasted like poison. Every phone call that came I hoped was from him. In the hope that one day he'd want to sort stuff out and not trash my feelings like he had. The call never came.

He called it love, I called it friendship, but when it came to the real feeling, what I felt was deeper. I valued people. I didn't run away to mend my hurt ego.

It was that guy who never stopped with the words and vows, and it ended with me fulfilling them without ever having promised anything.
But then one day, a message came when I no longer needed it, "Are you over me?"