I am a Muslim girl who was brought up in a typical conservative style. Though my parents are open minded about some stuff, but when it comes to boys, they are very particular. We could not have male friends and having a boyfriend is a sin. Love marriage/inter-religion marriages are not encouraged.

Hence, my mindset was set in a way that, when I had a crush on anyone, I made sure it’s a Muslim guy, so that at least there is some kind of possibility of getting married.

I had a crush on a guy in my office and I was finding ways to talk to him. I found him on Facebook and realized that it would be really awkward if I sent him a message out of nowhere. I stalked his friend list and added a few common people so that it looks a little less obvious that I am interested in him. During this period, I came across a post on Facebook by a mutual friend. He had sketched a celebrity and it was perfect. I casually commented, can you sketch my favourite celebrity for me? He said he surely will. I spoke to him once or twice in office and mentioned about the sketch just like that. One evening I got a message from him, asking for my WhatsApp number. Since I know the person, I gave my number without questioning. Then we started texting and he had asked my number to share the photos of the sketch he was making for me. He was being extra nice, and he is very talented. I was falling for him. I bought him chocolates and wrote a sweet note thanking him.

He used to be very nice on WhatsApp but when we met in office, he would act like a stranger.

Slowly I realized I had fallen for him and he had mentioned he was in a complicated relationship. I thought that they were on the verge of breaking up and continued speaking to him. The way he used to chat and do stuff for me, made me feel that he liked me. One day I confessed to him about my feelings, he said, “I don’t know what to say and we ended the talk”. After a week he confessed that he liked me too. And we started dating. We were very much in love. One day he mentioned that he still had not broken up with his girlfriend and when I said that I don’t want to come in between them, he assured me that I am all he wants and he will end things soon. Every day was a fairytale so I believed him. Slowly I realized that he is just being with me because he likes me but he has plans to marry her. Every time I mentioned I want to end things with him, he would give me emotional excuses.

Saying that he has a blind dad, sick mom and a pregnant sister who has left her husband's home, his psycho ex who blackmails him that she will commit suicide if he leaves. I felt bad and I continued. And one day, he was just completely changed.

He suddenly went from being a very sweet person to being rude. He wanted to end things with me and was ignoring me. I, on the other hand, was begging him to stay. Now his girlfriend wanted him to marry her as her parents got to know about them and he said whatever decision he has to take should not affect me in any way, because he never promised to marry me. On the other hand, he had promised her. I sit here and think of those days when he said to me that he was over her and that he doesn't want to marry her. He had told me that I am all he wants, and we will not give up without trying. All I can do is ponder upon the fake promises and wonder if I will ever be able to trust anyone again.

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