In the immortal words of Jerry Seinfield,

“I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don’t get it, ok? I, I, I admit, I, I’m not getting the signals. I am not getting it. Women, they’re so subtle, they’re little.. everything they do is subtle.. men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that’s it. It’s the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don’t know ’bout that, we don’t know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we’ve had so far.. The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. This man is out of ideas. I mean what is he expecting? For the woman to stop and say, Hey you honked at me .. Ahhhh that’s so sweet .. I never knew you felt this way.

The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don’t we? You keep seeing men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our “organisation”. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation pronto. Now, he may not be our best man and we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That’s why, I think, men get frustrated when women read articles like ‘Where to meet men’.  We’re right here. We are everywhere. No we’re not stalking, we’re honking our horns to serve you better. Menfolk couldn’t agree more with what Jerry said there.

So one of these places where we fools end up in are the DATING SITES. But here too, most of us are car-horn-honking.

Needless to say, we have #EPICFAIL moments. Have a look at various kinds of ladies most of us come across on these sites:

1. “Here for Friends”

A lot of us are shy guys. It’s not that we lack balls or anything but some of us can wet our pants (figuratively for some, literally for others) at the thought of approaching a woman. That’s why we seek aid (remember: car honking). We fear rejection. We don’t know whether the girl we are approaching is interested in us or not? Is she single or not? Is she looking for a relationship? If yes – what kind of relationship?

So what do we do? We move our asses to these dating sites. And what do we find there? Women looking for friends. Friends. On a ‘dating website’. This was supposed to be an obvious place where you would see all women at least up for something which was not “friendship”. But we still find them. They probably would reason it out with: “Oh! I want to keep the losers at bay.” “It’s my way of keeping the douchebags away from me.” “I can do whatever I want.” And while we cannot argue with that, we still wonder…

“Why the hell did you end up with that douchebag, then?”

2. It’s men who are into looks. Women go for the heart. (Read: Bullshit)

“Looks” is a subjective department but we agree that they matter. It’s time you admit it, too. Remember why you’re so quick to swipe us left on Tinder?

3. Wrong Address.

WHY do you fill up a wrong location for yourself?.You are talking to someone, and suppose that’s going well.

And I ask, “So where do you put up?”

“Indira Nagar.”

“Where’s that?”

“Bangalore.”

“What, but you have written Delhi on your profile”

“Yeah well that’s because I didn’t want to disclose my location to jerks.” And you are like Whattttt? *facepalm*

4. The “Presumption”

I don’t know how many of us have faced this but I can bet the percentage is on the upside of 80. The presumption is that we are all some sex hungry maniacs. This is so prevalent that it’s making everybody’s lives miserable.

You know you cannot keep on talking on a dating website forever. So you ask if you may add her on Facebook? WhatsApp, maybe?

“You MONSTER” I’ve been called. ‘Cuz I’m here to play with girls and trash them later.

#TrueStory

5. The Deserters.

Why do women walk away? Just like that. You are talking to us, laughing at our jokes, and BAM! You disappear. No reason given, no last good byes, you just leave. And we idiots keep thinking what just happened there? What did I say? Has she died?

And then you block us forever if we visit your profile ONE MORE TIME, just to check if you’re online, or say “Hi” to see if there’s a pulse. Where are you? What have I done? COME BACK

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