friendship nostalgia friendzoned memories lockdown corona journal

I Kept Wondering Why I Was Always In The Friend-Zone. Now That I'm Older, I Finally Know.

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

07.04.2020
New Delhi

This lockdown is weird. You either have the time to do everything or you don't have the time for anything. For instance, I dug up some photo albums today. My old pictures made me realise why my youth went by without the love of women. These were women I wanted to marry someday. Well, at least one woman. 

I wasn’t rich, I was neither good looking nor tall, but I was the guy who only knew how to make somebody laugh and women don’t fall for the guys who can make them laugh on their rainy days. Instead, they friend-zoned them and that’s how my younger days were.

Always friend-zoned.

I tried to confess my love for her a couple of times back then, but what I got in a return was the absolute ignorance. Fast forward to 2020, I told her "I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you," she got uncomfortable and said, "I never ever had feelings for you." 

And this time I was hurt but it’s okay.

You can’t make people fall for you, no matter what. 

Until yesterday, I realised the fact, when I got the only picture I had taken with her from a cousin's marriage in 2005! After looking at that picture, I can say now yes, I wasn’t the kind of guy she’d ever fall for. She was beautiful then, and now have become a more amazing lady with the personality she has. Every guy would fall on her one smile.

Yeah, even I was fidaa on her smile and beautiful shiny eyes which were full of energy.

Now, when I’m kind of settled with the grace of the Almighty, I see her struggling to keep her life going. I think "What if, she was with me, would she have a better life, or still the same one?" Well, I don’t have the answers for those questions but certainly, she would have the love and warmth of my feelings around to keep her going.

Finally, I realise that destiny doesn’t give you the one which you love the most but gives you the human being who is the best for you.

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