I Lost My Husband After The First Night Of Our Marriage For A Reason I'll Never Forget

Minal  Rane Minal Rane in Stolen Diaries on 15 March, 2017

(Before you go ahead, read #Part1: I Became A Widow On The First Morning Of My Marriage and #Part2: This Is How I Became A Widow On The First Morning Of My Marriage)

Six years have passed since that dreadful marriage day but I still remember every small detail of it very clearly.

That evening, I could hear the sound of the ambulance siren coming from outside the house. Then two bundles of flesh were brought in, the bodies were in such bad condition that they had to be bundled up, soon they were taken to perform the last rites. People were crying, gossiping, whispering and fighting too. My relatives and family members were very angry. They were not ready to take this lightly so there were heated arguments.

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Amidst all this I sat alone in one corner, not knowing what to do.

Suddenly a few ladies from the groom's side came and asked me to come with them to perform widow rituals. I was flabbergasted and remember pinching myself because I thought this was a bad dream and maybe pinching harder could wake me up from my sleep but this just led to red marks with blood on my arms. These ladies were about to drag me when my mother and few relatives of mine appeared, they got hold of me and I was rushed into a car and was driven back home, to my father's home. My Home! So now, I was returning back to the house that I thought I had left for good.

Every dream of mine was shattered. All hopes died. I, now, was a newlywed widow.

As I got out of the car, I could feel the eyes of my neighbours piercing at me, as if I was a celebrity and they wanted a glimpse of me. I ran inside the house, in my room and shut the door behind me. I cried there for hours, then fell asleep. Next day I woke up, had a bath, removed the jewellery, bangles, rings, mangalsutra and changed into simple old clothes.

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Soon the rest of my family, relatives too returned with my unopened suitcases, gifts and other stuff. Now that the reality began to sink in, my sadness had no boundaries. Again, I cried for hours, days and weeks. Life was never going to be the same again. I shut myself in my room, never wanting to face anyone. Only my family could meet me, no one else was allowed to enter my space.

I had lost interest in living, I had lost trust in humans, I felt cheated. I lived like a widow, wearing simple clothes mostly in white or dull colours.

Whenever I was alone I would question God, and blame him for my disastrous life, "Why did you punish me? Why me?". But he never answered my questions. Later I thought maybe it was my karma. My family too was going through an emotional crisis. That was the most difficult phase of our lives.

People would come to meet my family, ask them the same questions again and again, leaving them shaken and bruised. I didn't come out of my room for almost 6 months. At first, I would sit and cry, then after tears dried out, I kept getting angry with God, then came a time full of depression, frustration and anger.

People say,"Time is a healer" and yes it's true, it took a lot of time but slowly I could come out of it. At last I was able to divert my mind towards reading books, listening to music, watching tv, and later concentrating back on my studies.

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Before my marriage got fixed, my aim in life was to become an IAS officer. I thought to myself, "One dream has died but I can give chance to another dream to succeed."

So I started preparing for my UPSC CSE Exam. I didn't take any tuitions, my brother brought all the books required. Day and night I put all my energy into studying. My family took very good care of me. They were always there for me. I passed my exam with flying colours finally and was shortlisted to join the National Academy of Administration at Mussoorie. 

(Read #Part1: I Became A Widow On The First Morning Of My Marriage and #Part2: This Is How I Became A Widow On The First Morning Of My Marriage)

Author's Note:

Thanks to a dear friend of mine, Sarika, for reminding me to write part 3 of the story. Many thanks to my dear readers and AkkarBakkar team.