It’s been several years since this happened but I still wonder how could I have been so foolish.

I was a typical Indian girl who always believed that if you fell in love with someone, you would have to marry the same person, no matter what.

When I joined college, one of my seniors named Sahil proposed to me within the first few days. Sahil was in the final year of college and I was impressed by his manner of talking. So I thought of giving things a try. When my friends got to know, they made me understand that he was not a good guy and this relationship would not last long. But nothing could convince me.

I foolishly believed that since I had said yes to him, I would have to continue the relationship till I married him.

We started talking on the phone every night. We would meet in college and sit in the canteen for hours, which helped me discover a lot of things about him. I  got to know that he belonged to an orthodox family and his thinking was very old-fashioned. I also realized that he lied about many things, things that I had seen with my own eyes.

But I did not confront him much because I did not want him to feel ashamed about it.

After a few months of being together, he moved to another city for a job and we started our long-distance relationship. By then, he had manipulated me for many things, which I continued even when he was not around. For instance, he asked me to stop wearing western dresses and wear only Indian suits, which I did.

He even asked me to keep my distance from guys and not talk much to them, not even to my classmates. I followed that too!

We would meet about twice a month when I went to his city, which was two hours away from my hostel. That is when he started showing his true colours.

One day, he told me that he was not feeling good from inside because he felt that I was going to leave him. So he wanted us to kiss (on the lips) to keep this relationship forever. At that time, like many Indian girls, I also believed that you could kiss a guy or have sex only after marriage.

I gave it a thought and agreed to kiss him only to prove that I was not going to leave him.

On my next visit, we kissed again and it continued for the next two visits too. Then, during one of our phone conversations, he said that he wanted to kiss my whole body so that we could feel closer to each other. It took me a few days to think about it but he convinced me that we would not have sex. He wanted this as his birthday present.

So, we met on his birthday and I presented my body to him to kiss it all over (I seriously couldn’t understand what he got from this). After that day, I clearly told him that I could not go beyond this and we should leave something for our first night after marriage. But he had something else on his mind.

When we met the next time, he took me to a hotel room. When I told him that I was not going to repeat anything, he convinced me by saying that he did not want to do anything but hug me and sleep for a few hours, which I agreed to do. Within a few minutes, he started tickling and kissing me.

Like any normal human being, I was unable to control my feelings for long, so I kissed him back.

Then he started taking off all my clothes and I tried to stop him but he said that he had already kissed my whole body, so it would not make any difference if he did it again.

Though I agreed with him, I was not feeling good from within and pleaded him not to go beyond it.

However, as I mentioned earlier, he had something else on his mind. Once again, he manipulated me saying that sex can happen only when two people do it without a condom. With a condom, it was not really sex. I was so dumb that I believed him and gave in to his wish.

We did it with a condom (he already had a condom in his wallet because he knew that he would convince me) and continued doing it for the next few visits. But that was not the end. A few days later, he told me another story. He said that we could have sex without a condom too. I asked him that if we did everything now, what would be left to do after marriage? But he was a sly man.

He told me not to worry because till a boy doesn’t leave his sperms inside a girl, it is not considered sex and that he would do only after our marriage.

You may not believe it but I agreed and we had sex without a condom. He made me eat an emergency pill also as a precautionary measure. I was so deeply in love with him that I did not question any of his actions.

Like any normal human being, I too started enjoying sex.

My life was only about college, meeting him, having sex and taking pills. However, his abuse started soon after. He would slap me in the hotel room for small things whenever we met.

He wanted me to be his sex toy whenever he wanted.

Whenever we spoke on the phone, he always wanted to have phone sex and if I refused, he would abuse me. My friends started noticing the marks on my face whenever I returned to the hostel.

They kept persuading me to end the relationship but I was not able to take any decision because I was worried that since I had had sex with him, I could not leave him and would have to marry him.

It continued for a few months till I decided to finally end things because of my friend Misha’s advice. She explained to me, "If he really loved you, he would have never slapped you. He knew that you were an easy target to manipulate. He will leave you once he is done with you, as he has done in the past with other girls."

"We kept telling you several times but you did not listen and see where you’ve landed now. But still, you have time. Before he leaves you, you leave him. Forget about what people will think." That was the day when I was meant to leave him.

I don’t know where I got the courage but I called him and told him that I was leaving him.

He was shocked at my sudden decision. But I’d made up my mind. I disconnected the phone and though he tried calling me many times, I did not answer any of his calls. I won’t say that the things that happened changed my life or that I won’t trust anyone again. These incidents were meant to happen to me and they happened.

It was not just his fault; it was mine too.

People had warned me several times but I did not listen to anyone. Even though I knew that he was a liar, I chose to be with him. I should have clearly said no if I did not want to have sex. The truth is that I had also started enjoying sex. So I couldn't blame him completely.

But it was the abuse and manipulation that drove me to end the relationship.

I have never seen such a manipulative and shrewd person in my life. I am not here to gain sympathy but to share my experience, which made me strong enough to take this decision and more careful while making new friends. I am sharing this story to encourage every girl or boy who could be going through a similar situation. Please take a decision before it is too late.

Understand that sex does not mean love. And if a person truly loves you, he or she will never abuse you, not mentally and not physically.

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