It began long before I even understood the meaning of sexual harassment or abuse. You may think that this is the story of a victim.

But I was not the victim here. I was the villain.

When I was about 4 years old, my dad started kissing me on the lips. At that time, I didn't know that it was the start of sexual abuse. I can't even blame my mom for not looking into it. She trusted my father and knew that even if he were to misbehave with someone else, he would never do that with his own daughter. But she was wrong.

My so-called father did not understand the difference between his mistress and me.

As a result, I was this little girl who thought that kissing her father is normal, touching his ‘thing’ is normal, and that a father showing porn videos to his own daughter is also normal.

I experienced sexual abuse and grew up with it. I basically thought that sex is normal and so is abuse.

I didn't understand the meaning or the difference, but I realized this feeling at an early age and so I went along with it. I thought sex was cool!

I was very young, probably in class 3 when my cousin Shiney was born. Being cousins, Shiney and I would meet often through our families. One day, my mom and I visited Shiney's place.

We kids were left alone and we started playing games. We were bored of the usual hide and seek, so I invented a game. It was a really bad one.

I decided to play a rapist who would rape Shiney.

It was fun when we started. I don't remember much clearly but the game had Shiney playing a reporter while I was a personnel from an angry mob. Just like the old revenge movies, a person filled with anger. Then, I removed her panty and touched her vagina.

She was scared of me. I could see it in her eyes. But I didn't stop.

Eventually, Shiney asked me to stop because she was scared and bored, as she put it across.

When I was in class 5, I repeated something similar. He was a kid named Mahesh. I think he was barely in UKG when I did something really bad to him and another colony friend.

Our colony had around 20 kids. One day, when all of us were playing hide and seek, Mahesh and I hid in the same area. And I don't know what came over me!

I asked him to remove his pants and underwear. I told him that I would make a deal with him if he did what I asked him to do.

To my surprise, he did as I asked him and I touched him. But that wasn’t even the worst part!

I then removed my clothes and showed him my developing body, my breast, and vagina. I was a fat girl so my breasts developed faster than other girls in my school. I showed that little kid my naked body.

After our exams got over, all the kids started playing again. This time I did something even worse.

Nafisa was an 8-year-old girl who I played with. On one occasion, Nafisa was alone with Mahesh and me. I told Mahesh to stay behind the door and watch what I did.

I asked Nafisa to remove her panty. But she wasn't ready to remove it. She said it was wrong but I insisted that she take it off. When she continued to resist, I hit her and ultimately she took them off. And I made Mahesh watch the entire thing.

Nafisa didn't complain to anyone. But today, I wish she had complained to someone.

After reading this, I am sure of getting hateful comments from everyone. I know I have done terrible things and deserve the consequences. I did exactly what my horrible dad did to me.

I regret my life because of the dreadful things I did.

And karma does come back to you.

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