If You Hadn’t Cheated On Me, I’d Have Never Known What It Is Like To Love Yourself First

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

When I first discovered the truth, I was really shattered. My world had collapsed. Only one question was there in my head and that was 'Why?'

Why did you do that to me? What was my fault? Why did this even happen to me? I even started believing that perhaps, I did something wrong. Maybe I was too busy with my new responsibility which was motherhood. Maybe initially, I was not very fond of you for some reasons, of course. Maybe my mother-in-law played a game with our relationship. Maybe it's not all your fault. Too much of 'maybe' s. But I never got the answers.

My heart was in pain. My little daughter was upset. She was unable to understand the situation. But she definitely understood my pain.

She cried too everytime she saw me crying. I forgot to live, I forgot to laugh. I forgot to take care of my life. I was only doing my duties. My life became a drama itself. I only can remember I was blaming ‘me’ for the situation. I was crying and fighting with you. My little girl started to feel like maybe she will not be able to see her parents together. Her whole world was in doubt.

I was nervous, scared, excited and busy with motherhood. I was busy with our newborn daughter. Was that my fault?

If I didn’t take care of her, then who would? I was her mother and from the first day, I was doing my work efficiently. I never had your cooperation with that. I never asked you to drop your sleep for a single night. I was there for her all day long, 24X7. And what did you do? You started calling someone else when I was with your daughter, taking care of her restlessly. You even wrote her on FB chat about physical intimacy, which was surely missing in our lives. And I thought you had a low libido. Phew!

Whenever I needed you, you were always busy. We never went anywhere together, not even for a film.

You were always busy. You always asked someone else to go with me. And I did. I did go with your mother and sister. Because I trusted you. I believed that you were really busy. But today, I know that I was so wrong. Yes, you were busy but it wasn’t for the work. You told me that you would be busy on Sunday too but you were in adda with your friends. You didn't even bother to know about my feelings.

You never wished me Happy Valentine's Day but you did wish her.

I was your life partner and you were asking someone else to meet you. You asked her why she didn't take your call. You tagged her in most of your posts but you never bothered to add me there. You even tagged her in Khajuraho's erotic photos. And absolutely unaware of this, I thought you had a really hard job to do, so you were unavailable for me and my daughter. How naive I was!

I started looking at your phone to know what exactly was going in your life. I would check to see who called and messaged you.

Suddenly, I became suspicious, jealous, and impatient which was not my true self.

Then one fine day, I realised that I was going on the wrong route. Why should I even bother to know about your whereabouts, when you did not care about me? If you were doing something wrong, then you would eventually have a punishment, either from God or someone else. Why was I bothering myself?

I made a promise to myself. I will only live for my daughter and me. I started to love me again. I understood you were not compatible with me at all. So I stopped expecting you to be the one. I started making new friends. I started reading books, listening to music again.

I started to choose my life over anything once again.

I took responsibilities of my daughter very seriously yet very kindly. She is the person who needs me more than anything. So, who needs you now? Might be I didn't cut you off from my life but I did cut you from my mind and heart. You are not even on my priority list anymore, at least not before me.

I am now in charge of my life and I am actually happy and grateful to you for that.

You cheated on me so I realised that one should not be too much invested into others. You taught me nothing is important than my own life and thank you for your lessons.

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