I met him on Facebook, and cliché as it may seem, it wasn’t love at first sight. I didn’t believe in clichés back then, in fact, we both didn’t. But our beliefs didn’t matter, in matters that the heart couldn't resist. We quickly became friends and he started asking me out ever so often and my answer was No No No because I had an ex boyfriend because of who I lost trust in guys.
I told him about my past but he wasn’t bothered and said it’s all fine. We became very close and started talking frequently and he even made me talk to his parents. We started caring for each other and well, we fell in love. So when he asked for my hand in marriage, you can imagine my joy! He said he would get engaged to me this December.
Yet the fear of breaking the news to my parents bothered me. But each time I spoke about it, he would shut me up and insisted that he will speak to my dad and convince him that he was the right man for me, and yes he did talk to my mom about this and she was the happiest person in the world; I could say she was very happy for me because she liked him instantly.
His confidence coupled with his fear of losing me was so evident in his expressions, that I couldn’t help but trust his words. I trusted all his words and yes I was very happy with him.
I gave in and decided to introduce him to my family members, but then he had got a new job in Poland and he was ready to leave in a week’s time. I was very happy for him, yet the burden of my relationship weighed heavy on me. I didn’t want to stop him but I still remember his words, “I don’t want to go because I don’t want to miss you.”
I told him it’s a one time opportunity that could change our lives forever. And I saw a bright future with him. We had plans to settle in Poland after our marriage and had even planned on how our wedding was going to be.
When the day of his departure arrived, I was in Chennai. I took the night train and reached home by 11.30 pm and waited for him to come pick me up because he had asked me to come drop him. We were to go by cab but then his friends joined him. I later realized that his friends were drunk and I was scared to get back home with him but I traveled with them at 1 am because he gave me the confidence to.
I was right by his side at the airport. That vision of him leaving me behind for the new life is still fresh in my mind. He left but I couldn’t stop crying. He didn’t even bother to call me and find out if I reached home safely. So obviously I wrote him a text yelling at him for sending me along with his friends and then not bothering to call.
I then realized that I was being blocked everywhere. I went mad because I couldn’t talk to him. I tried reaching out to his friends who I didn't know very well. Nights turned to days and I could not stop myself from crying and missing him terribly. So instead, I decided not to cry, and focus on our bright future together but then I got in touch with his sister and because of that he texted me from his Poland number to yell at me for reaching out to his sister.
But every time I discussed our future together, he’d start an argument on how we shouldn’t proceed with things. He would give me reasons that life in Poland wasn’t easy, and he didn’t want to risk anything with his career at that moment. This was his big break and he had a lot riding on his shoulders. He had to care for his parents, his family and us, with this job. He said he needed time and didn’t want to focus on our relationship. He needed some time to settle down. He wouldn’t respond to any of my messages or calls but then he used to be online all the time and gave me silly excuses saying he was busy. I had no option but to agree with him as I was too blind in love.
When his mom spoke to him, he said he wasn’t ready to go ahead with this relationship because I was short, rich and immature. I was not in a position to get cheated on again. I had mentally prepared myself to face my parents with this harsh truth. But when I spoke to him after all that time, he didn’t seem like the person I had fallen in love with. But still I was ready to give it time for him to settle. But things changed.
I was too happy to talk to him once in a blue moon in fact. After he had settled down, I brought up the topic of our marriage plans again and all I could hear was "I don’t want to give it a chance now let’s see if it will work or not" . For the first few minutes, I stayed quiet and participated in the discussion. His temper soared and an argument ensued. And we used to continuously fight over this at least 5 times a day.
And out of nowhere, he uttered those 5 words "It was a mistake loving you."
It was like my worst nightmare coming true. I was crushed under the weight of his harsh words. I was devastated; I still gave him the benefit of doubt and assumed he hadn’t meant what he said. I tried to inquire what went wrong but what he had to say hurt me even more. He said that his career took precedence over our relationship, as it didn’t feel right to hurt his chances at work right now. I was ready to wait until he settled but I wanted a promise from him that he will marry me.
He added that his parents were a little doubtful too. The more he spoke, the less things made sense to me. I begged for him to reconsider but he refused. I fell on his legs and begged him but he said the same things. He had changed and that change brought stress to my life.
He decided to part ways, but still be friends which I was not ready for, secretly some part of me hoped that it would bring us back together. I was in touch with his mom and she liked me a lot so I still had hope that I will get him back in my life. He again changed his mobile number so that I couldn't get in touch with him. But then he got back to me saying that his phone wasn’t working properly. But later I knew that he had changed his number.
One day his friend broke the news to me; he had many relationships and this is what he did to girls, he sent messages on Facebook and got their number and his motives were totally different. He was into drugs and he had cheated on many girls.
I decided not to react badly hearing all these things. Instead, I tried to speak to him, I begged him to talk to me one last time. He called me and I asked him about the girls, he confessed he was with each and every one.
I couldn’t take it in and he said bye and then cut the call. I couldn’t call him back because it was a landline number. I finally made peace with the fact that some things are not meant to be and chose to give myself sometime to get over him and focus on myself but I made sure that his family knew about this, and I asked them not to react because I wanted him to focus on his career.
Later I came to know that this was his hobby. On inquiring further and confronting him, he finally came out with the harsh truth that he had many girlfriends. I couldn’t tolerate his duplicity, I fell numb.
I was stunned at the words he uttered, I couldn’t believe this was the man I was once in love with. But I still have him in my prayers, every day I say a rosary on his name. I hope he doesn’t repeat the same mistake and lives a beautiful life, I still hope the best for his future. And I hope that one day he will realize the pain that I went through. I miss him badly.