I Don't Know How Else I Could Have Made Him Stay But Now He's Gone
I was in the healing stage of a bad break-up. The relationship that I was in, was one that lasted five years. Frankly, I was happy and a little relieved that I had managed to move on with my life.
In August 2015 at a friend’s birthday party, I was introduced to a guy as, “you both are baniya, chubby and single!” – I’m not even joking, that’s exactly what my friend said.
That night, we didn’t talk as much as two people who had just clicked should. But a few nights later, our conversations grew longer. Though I was apprehensive, especially because of my previous relationship, I felt like I should go with the flow with him. A while later, he proposed, and I almost screamed yes!
And that’s how, after a while, one of the most beautiful months of our relationship began. We met every single day and spoke on the phone when we didn’t. He became such an integral part of my life, I almost couldn’t imagine what it was like to have lived without him. Soon enough, as what happens in most relationships, he stopped doing all the little things that I was in love with. I felt ignored and our fights increased exponentially.
He said it was work pressure, but suddenly, all our plans revolved around when we could meet to have sex.
He kept pushing me away, on other days, and I kept clinging on. This went on for a torturous eight months. We didn’t go out, we didn’t click any pictures and I wasn’t anywhere on his social media accounts.
To think about it now, I didn’t want anything more than his time and his love. I missed his attention- I missed how we were.
We broke up in May 2016 and that’s when all hell broke loose. I couldn’t accept the breakup and so I begged him to be friends with me. He agreed to this, despite the fact that we both knew that exes can’t be friends, especially when they’re physically attracted to each other.
The sex never stopped. I let him use my body as and when he pleased. I never asked for anything more, but all I hoped was that one day, this would lead him back to me. How wrong was I…
In November 2016, I found out that he was dating someone. He had started seeing her in September, but never breathed a word about this to me and for us, the sex never stopped.
When I confronted him about this, I was shocked to see his attitude and more than that, his reply, “I didn’t think it was important to tell you about all of this.”
It was heartbreaking. The person I was sharing a bed and my body with, was just using me.
I tried to get rid of him, I tried to forget him; I blocked him, only to unblock him and wind up in his bed a few days later. This went on for longer than I’d like to admit.
Until one day, in September 2017, his girlfriend read our text messages. Before I could talk about anything, or even ask him about it, he asked me to lie about what she read, in case she asked me directly. And then he blocked my number, and that was all. I was so confused. I was used, those feelings assaulted me all over again.
Was he using me, or was I the one who let myself get used by him? I’ve mentioned how long this has gone on for, only to show you just how difficult it was for me to walk away and just how easy it was for him to misuse my emotional weakness.
I’ve lost the confidence and focus that I had in my life. And I want to get rid of this feeling as quickly as possible. I hope that I have the strength to handle this.