I’m an only child and I’ve hated being lonely. I’ve always wanted a shoulder for support but I never showed others that I was weak.

When I was in class 12, I met a guy on Facebook. It was a fairytale love story.

Our first conversation started with a fight. But soon, we became thick friends.

We would chat for hours on Facebook. One day, he asked me for my number but I refused to share it. I didn’t have a smartphone at the time.

I had to go out of town so, I used my mom’s phone to message him on Facebook. The network was really bad. He messaged me asking, "Have you eaten? I miss u.”

My heart skipped a beat when he said that he missed me; it was the first time.

I could not wait to reply to him. But there was no network on my mom's phone, so I sent him a text from my mobile, "I ate, did u? I miss u too."

That’s when the sparks flew. He was shocked that I’d texted him from my mobile instead of Facebook. We spoke for months and eventually fell madly in love with each other. He would text me till late in the night.

He made promises that he would 'never let me cry', 'never leave me' and so on.

When we got our class 12 results, his marks were lower than mine. He was worried about not getting into a good college. During that time, I supported him and made him understand that it was fine to study in any college because it is one’s own talent that makes him big.

To his good luck, he got admission in one of the best colleges in the state. He was very excited and asked me to meet him at a park. I pedalled my cycle like an idiot to see him and he showed me his ID card. I was so happy for him!

It was the first time that we were meeting in private. We met a few more times in the park on his insistence.

And then we had our first kiss when he kissed me on my cheek. I felt my hormones racing.

After college started, things began to change. He got busy in college and never texted or called me nor did he meet me like before. We started having small fights. I thought things would get better but to my dismay, they only got worse.

I was a shy girl, someone who felt shy to even use kissing emoticons in messages.

But today, I’m totally messed up because of one word, ‘love’. He avoided me completely after a few years. He said he wanted some "alone time". Really!?

He had taken my time every single day but I'd never said no.

Then one day, he came to my house as a friend to help me with my record work. My parents were asleep. He ended up kissing me on my lips and we became physical. I kept saying 'no' in a soft voice but I was unable to resist him.

Fortunately, I didn’t lose my virginity to him!

We met a few more times in my house for the same reason and did the same things. Post that, he wanted to ‘sext’ with me. I resisted. But he said that he would stop talking to me.

So, I gave in and we started sexting often. But I was beginning to feel insecure.

It felt like he had stopped respecting me and wanted me just for his physical needs.

This led to a fight between us and he got angry with me. He said, “You didn’t stop me, your hands did not restrict me. It’s your fault that you let me hug and kiss you.

I was shattered. Did he need me only for physical love? Did he not feel any love in his heart?

He shamelessly admitted that he loved my body more than me!

The next day he tried consoling me that he was stressed and hence he spoke like an idiot. He assured me that things would become fine after he found a job.

He managed to get an internship at his big dream company. Though he completely ignored me during the placement period, I adjusted for him and waited for things to get better.

Unfortunately, after getting the job, his only interest has been money!

I know that he has been using me just for sex. He makes me cry daily, has stopped caring for me anymore and has even said that he loves money more than me.

He fights a lot and more than fighting, he ignores me. Only my pillow knows how much I weep every night.

But like a stupid person, I keep apologizing to him for the mistakes I never made.

If he is stressed or if we have fought, he wants me to sext, even if I’m not willing to. He doesn’t care if I have exams the next day, he wants to keep sexting until late night. But when I ask him to wait until 10 or 11 pm to talk about the bad day that I’ve had, he starts yelling and switches off his phone.

He reaches home by 8 or 9 pm but he doesn’t send me a single text from the morning. Nor does he call during his work hours from 9 am to 6 pm. If I call him, he only speaks about his work or how his day was. He never asks me about my day.

Yet, I'm adjusting to everything, hoping that he will eventually change.

But things keep getting worse. One night, he shamelessly wanted me to sext after he’d hurt me badly by saying, “I don’t love you anymore. You’re just a big headache for me! You are a bitch! You talk to other boys and keep them as a backup. You are waiting to be with them. If you want me to talk to you, sext me and send me your pictures.”

I broke down.

If I really wanted to leave, I would have left.

But there I was, consoling him and supporting him even when he tortured me like an animal. I was crying terribly but he wanted me to do a video call. He was very eager to see me like I was a sex toy!

He then texted me, “I don’t know why but I feel very happy when I see you cry.”

My heart broke. My first love has changed and I am alone. I am a virgin who sexted. I am mentally f*****d up from all his torture, still, I can't hate him.

He needs me and if I leave him, he will be broken.

Every time I try to break up, I find myself begging him to accept me back. I'm devastated but I cannot share this with my friends or family. I think about committing suicide but I’m an only child and I need to take care of my parents.

I know that I’m being abused and I’m allowing him to do it because I have no one else in life.

I was immature to fall in love with a guy like him who stole my heart with his fake promises. But after this, I can never love nor believe any guy. I am scarred forever.

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