I know I could have sent this to you by email or a text but I also know how you are and realize the chances of you actually taking the time to read anything I have to say is slim to none. However, regardless of if you take a moment to sit down and read this or not I would just like to say thank you. Thank you for everything you have done, and for everything you have provided me with.
Now, if I know you the way I think I know you then you are probably wondering what the hell I am thanking you for. I mean after all you left me remember? But see that is the exact reason I should be thanking you. By abandoning me the way you did, you have provided me with so much. Let me explain.
Most 19 year olds got to have fun, they got to experience the college life to the fullest. My friends, they would gossip about boys they wanted to hook up with, parties where they danced with too many guys to count, and nights they got too drunk to remember anything. I used to be jealous of them, I use to envy them. I used to sit in my room on a Saturday night, 6 months pregnant, and curse your name for putting me in this situation. I knew you were headed to the bars after pregaming at the football house, I knew you were out getting drunk and hanging out with the brunette that worked at Starbucks, and oh honey you better believe I knew that the real reason you didn’t come stay with me in the hospital was because you were out getting wasted at a Halloween party at the sorority down the street.
Regardless of that though I’ve come to accept that after our 3 year relationship and finding out that I was pregnant you decided you did not want to be a part of our daughter’s life. I used to hate you for it. But I would just like to say thank you because by leaving, you have left me the joys of raising our daughter and for that I cannot repay you.
Thank you, Fred, for allowing me to give our daughter enough love and affection to make up for your absence. Thank you for giving her the dark brown eyes that I get to gaze into every night before she goes to bed. Thank you for leaving when you did, because we both know you would have sooner or later and she didn’t need that kind of heartache down the road. Thank you for providing me with a great story to tell her whenever I have to give her the sex talk; how putting out won’t make him love you and a baby won’t make him stay. I may cringe at the sound of your name, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank you for giving me her.
Most of all though, thank you for forcing me to grow up.
Leaving a college I loved to go to the state school down the street wasn’t the ideal plan I had for the future. Working full time, taking night classes, and being up all night with a screaming baby wasn’t necessarily what I had thought I would be doing at 19. However, I wouldn’t take back any of it. See, by leaving you allowed me to find someone better suited for the situation that I was in. Someone who offered to help out instead of being scared off. You allowed me to meet a great guy who cares for your daughter and me and who has stepped up to the plate that you once abandoned.
Thank you for making me reevaluate my priorities, for making me learn that Jack and Coke is the drink of my past and Juicy Juice is the drink of my future. Thank you for allowing me to learn that hearing a little girl coo at you will always triumph the sound of a DJ at a frat house playing “Shots” at an ungodly volume. Thank you for teaching me that a thousand poopy diapers is still more preferable than waking up in your own vomit you passed out in the night before.
You made me grow up, you allowed me to see that not only could I be an amazing mom, but that I could also play the role of dad. Being a single parent has been one of my biggest accomplishments because it has shown me that I am capable of anything.
Sometimes I miss the old life I use to have, the one I shared with you. Reality hits me though, and the little girl that you wanted nothing to do with, looks at me and smiles. Fred, I couldn’t imagine trading her for the world. She makes me a better person, and I don’t know if I would like the person I might have become if she hadn’t come along. At 19, I was scared out of my mind and I know you were too, but I didn’t run away. Instead of getting rid of the situation, I pushed forward and overcame the obstacles that were set before me. One day when she gets older and starts to understand more, she is going to realize who raised her, who sacrificed.
So, thank you for going on with your life and being the selfish human being that my father always warned me about. Our relationship was no fairy tale by far but at least I got a little princess out of it. In a way you supplied me with my own fairy tale, a life full of happiness, a happily ever after with my daughter.
You have taught me that sometimes prince charming isn’t always the one who saves the day and gives you a happier life: sometimes it’s a little girl with a bow in her hair that calls me mommy.