It was 11:10 am when I got back to my room. For the first time in all these years, I thought my four bed AC room was too big for me. I thought this soulless surrounding was appropriate for my intentions. I had just spoken to you before coming up to my room. I told you how upset I was, but little did you know about my future plans.
I looked around and found that the rooms near mine were locked. There was no one else in the hostel and the helpers had gone for their break.
I realized that this was it, the moment, my moment had arrived. For a second, I looked back wondering what went wrong…?
I have a perfect family, the best boyfriend, and lovely friends, so why was I thinking of taking this drastic step; which would not only put a question on my existence but also destroy my family, friends and my boyfriend.
I’ve always been a happy-go-lucky, chubby and carefree girl who didn’t know what she wanted from life and lived through all the ups and downs of life, with a huge smile on my face. Then why was this girl pushed to commit this sin?
I took off the ring you give me, the one that was sitting snugly on my fourth finger of my left hand and placed it in the ring box in my cupboard. I didn’t want to see it and get weak.
The medication I was on was having no effect on me, so I climbed up to my roommate’s bed and wondered how to tie my bedsheet to the fan above. Once I saw my entire plan in motion, I saw fear at its worst. I felt this weird sense of pain, like a massive defeat. I had survived a lot, but today, I was lost.
Amongst all this, my phone rings, it’s you. You have an interview in a couple of hours, so I decided to talk to you, in the most normal way that I could.
But you saw right through it. You heard my silent tears and replaced my screams with laughter. I knew that I had to live through it; for you. I owe my life to you. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this right now.