To The World We're Married, You Can Call Me A Wife Trying Hard To Celebrate Love

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 26 October, 2018

I was not married off to a man I loved in my teenage. My love story was incomplete.

My parents arranged my marriage with a stranger, a nice person. Respectful and lovable. I was trying to find the love I lost out on, in him. And yes, we fell in love, enough to get married to each other. Soon felt closer and closer to each other. There were fights too but they ended with making love in the first few months of marriage.

Everything was going great and soon I was hit with reality. We got married. We went for our honeymoon and came back. Things were still okay. Now, this guy wants to live life the way he used to before marriage. Night parties, friends and everything. He never interrupted me for any of my acts or activity. But this was at the cost of me not saying anything to him about his lifestyle.

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Keeping all this aside, he loves me. He showers me with gifts. He takes me out. We celebrate our birthdays and anniversaries together. Is this called 'marriage'? Do marriages work like this? If I had to continue my life as it is, why would I ever get married? Also if he never needed a companion, why was he happy with the closeness? And all this happened in less than a month.

Families came in, each and every detail was being discussed between families and the result, as usual, was that I am wrong in my thinking, my parents are wrong in all aspects. My upbringing was questioned. We broke up many times and came back together many times in the three years.

We return every single penny we pay for each other. I have never seen such a relationship in my life. We have a set pattern of payment of bills at our house as well. We may sleep in different rooms or the same, it hardly matters to him.

I am honestly blessed as my mother-in-law doesn’t interfere between us.
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But she has a different set of problems with me. No one takes away my salary at the end of every month. I have my money to spend. When I read certain articles about mothers-in-law generally with such issues, I consider myself blessed.

We have a kid too (another blessing) but we are not in a relationship for the kid. We are surviving this relationship from day one as it is. He likes it this way. We laugh in front of people, we dance at parties. We show care towards each other in front of others and back home we go our ways, in our separate rooms to sleep.

Even after 3 years of our relationship, I cannot name our relationship. We actually don’t have any relation. I am not the one who interests him anymore. Every month is just passing, and we have no closeness. We have no intimacy. I don’t talk to anyone about this anymore. On discussing the relationship with him, I'm called a sex addict and predator - that is the end of discussion. And the extent of intimacy between us is once a year.

With a kid in my life, I have nothing to ask for. I have nothing to say or complain about in my life. We work, we earn, we have our money and we share the status of being married. He says he loves me and I can’t see his love.

After getting disturbed with my life, I cry every few days. And I give different reasons for why I cried. And sometimes even I don’t know why I cried. Every day passes the same way and every night passes the same way.

I've lost all meaning of love and with every passing day, I just struggle to celebrate this relationship every day.