To The One Whom I Trusted The Most, Thank You For Giving Me The Scars Of A Lifetime

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 25 September, 2018

This story is about a girl who was pampered throughout her childhood. This story is about a girl who lived her early life in a nutshell, a shield given by her family. This story is about me.

I was a girl who hardly had any "social" life. My school, which was just in the next lane, was my only outside world. The 90 seconds of the home-to-school journey and vice versa was my only trip outside alone. We stay in a row house with hardly any children of my age around. Which means, no play time in the evening either.

My sister and parents were my only friends outside my school.
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All this not because I had an orthodox or strict family, no! My parents are really open-minded. This was only because everyone, including me, was too scared to expose me to the world. Yes, I am a girl who got her ankle fracture in the 4th grade while just crossing a small lane outside my house.

I remember my parents decided to put me for tuitions in my 9th grade. My classes were about 10-minutes walking distance. This is when it all started. A small chicken suddenly hatching into a big world. I got new friends, I started going out more often to newer places, without my parents. I got in touch with people of different kinds. Some were really good friends, some were very selfish who used me for their benefits. I got my first fling guy. Got my first boyfriend.

My first boyfriend was like an extension to my family. He used to pamper me in the very same way.

He loved me a lot. At least that's what a 10th-grade stupid girl assumed. Our couple was the most popular one at my school. He showered me with all the happiness, most of the time. But as the reality remains, every coin has two sides. Slowly and gradually, I started to discover some fishy things. I realised that the person I was with used to lie. He even went on to the extent of proposing three different girls when I was still there. Discussions, guilt, apologies and forgiving happened in full force. All this went on for 2 years. Yes! Finally, I gave up. Because I couldn't distinguish between his truth and disloyalty. He gave up on me because of my over-possessiveness.

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He was my everything outside my family. I was broke, I was shattered, but nothing took a deep grave in my heart because of the young age. Luckily, but something that remained forever was trust issues.

He embossed his lies and disloyalty in my heart and brain, which is why I could hardly trust people thereafter.

I moved to college and then to higher studies. One after the other, I got decent guys who showered more love, attention, care and pampering on me. My friends used to envy me because I got guys so quickly and most of them loved me with all their heart. But one thing always remained constant, from my side, was my inability to trust. I got a guy who fought with his family, got a guy who went around cities to save me from a huge problem, got a guy who was romantic as hell. I was proposed in several most romantic, dreamy ways. Basically, I got the best of the world in 4-5 guys. But my trust issues, possessiveness because of that and habit of denying the sweet truth spoilt everything, every time. People thought I was rude, ungrateful and mean.

What I understand today is that I was just trying to create boundaries around me so that nobody gets too close and hurts me again.

I didn't want to be shattered again. I didn't want to be cheated again. Out of those guys, some broke my trust in some ways. But there were some who were genuine gems and worth keeping for life. But, I lost them all.

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The case was not only with the boyfriends but with everyone else. For these issues, I even lost a lot of friends. Being a Scorpio and a very attached person, I wanted my friends to be with me and only me. This wasn't really possible. I doubted their care and concern as well. I doubted the intentions of many and finally was left with just a few ones.

After getting over a lot of hurts, blame game, exhausting arguments, love, breakup-makeup, efforts and everything else, I finally started to live all by myself. Life was decent when life took another turn.

After about 6 years, the first guy planned to enter my life. Just to tell you all, in these 6 years, I hated my first boyfriend. He realised his mistakes and tried to get in touch but I was adamant. I hated him for everything he did. Coming back, destiny worked, my heart and brain decided to give in finally and melt and we were together again. The love was back. My first love, first hugs, first kiss, first hand-lock, was back to me. We both were happy.

We start our relationship with a promise that we shall keep aside the past.

Though things weren't as mushy as before, because we were more mature, things were still good. Soon, we became close to each other, emotionally and mentally. We were inseparable once again. But then, life happened. It was time for my issues to step in. Something that I carried for 8 years started growing between us. I started losing trust in him. I started doubting him. What he did to me in the past used to cross my mind every now and then and prevent me from trusting him with all my heart. Possessiveness, arguments, explanations, fights and frequency of all these increased. Our love kept us strong for about a year.

I tried my best to give up the ghost of my past and live peacefully with the guy I was planning to get married to but destiny this time had some other plans.
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Finally, when quite a few other problems came in, things became serious and we broke up. The "strings attached" thing went on for a few days and weeks and eventually even that stopped.

I always told him, you were the one to sow the seeds of distrust in my heart and brain. Other people have tasted the bitter fruits of the plant. Our destiny has got us back together and it's time for you to relish the fruits. He took that casually and promised he was ready to help me get over it. He promised a dozen things. But ultimately, he walked away.

He broke all his promises along with my trust, once again.
Editor's Note:

It's never too late to resolve trust issues. We can always seek help from our friends and family, and try to overcome it. Share this story if you agree.