To The Mother-In-Law Who Just Wanted A Maid For A Daughter-In-Law

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 August, 2017

I love my sister a lot and her situation makes me feel helpless. My sister had a love marriage. But it was a long struggle to convince my brother-in-law’s family because we are from Jharkhand while they are from Vizag. I am really happy for my sister because my brother-in-law is the calmest and most supportive person.

But as they say, just love is not enough. The groom's family has to accept the bride.

The bride has to earn, has to be a MasterChef in the kitchen (with great culinary skills like the groom's mother) and should not even ‘think’ of having a say in anything.

I came across this file where my sister had vented out her pain and frustration. Here’s her story.

After marriage, I did not get a new family; in fact, all I got was a new set of rules to follow.

Your son and I studied from the same college, same class, but you behave like you’re the only one who spent on his education while I studied for free. You think that I make money without doing any work while your son works hard and slogs all day. However, the truth is that even I work equally hard to earn money.

But you've never appreciated how I've managed both the job and the household.

You have always criticized me saying things like, "Your parents hardly spent anything on your wedding or they did not even give you any dowry". Is it even fair to expect such things? You want me to demand a share in my mother’s property, to demand a share in everything that my dad gives to my brother. But you don’t want me to look after them, because I am a girl.

My parents spent all their hard earned money on my dreams, to make me a strong independent woman. But you never saw the education or the skills I possessed, instead you were only interested in the gold I bought. Is this what you have learnt from your parents? To measure the talent of your daughters-in-law by the gold, money and land they bring from their parents?  

All you did was show me how being a daughter-in-law is equal to being a maid, when I am more capable than your son and not less than him in any aspect.

You complain that I never call you, but calling you is very costly for me. It costs me my peace of mind! I get mentally disturbed, not just for a day or two but for weeks and months. If your son hands me the phone for just one minute, even in that short span, you manage to impose how daughters-in-law need to always obey and respect their in-laws.

People say that both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law need to adjust in order to be happy. But here the ratio is completely different.

I do 90% of the adjustments while you barely even try!

You check on me to see whether I am eating the bigger piece of uttapam or giving it to your son, you ask me to sit on the ground because my father-in-law is having his lunch sitting on the ground. You’re always measuring the amount of jeera, sarso or even salt I add while cooking food. Snatching utensils from my hand when I am cooking, forcing me to cook fast. Why!!

After all this you expect me to respect you? Respect cannot be forced; it has to be earned.

You’re the one who is always pointing out how I fail to comply with my duties. But you never see how both your son and I return from work at 12 a.m. and then I prepare hot dinner for him, which he eats and sleeps. I then clean the kitchen, and even prepare things for the next day. I wake up at 9 a.m. to finish all my household chores before getting ready for office, while your son wakes up at 11. I am not complaining about my husband because he is the most adorable and adjusting man and I love him.But the problem is you!

You think that I do nothing for your son, that I am not capable enough to take care of him. Please remember that your son is my husband and I take care of him to the best of my ability. I am very lucky to have your son as my husband.

Though you never wanted me as your daughter-in-law, he always wanted me as his wife.

My father feels proud when he says, "My daughter works in a very big company" but you will never mention this to someone because you are worried about overshadowing your son's success. And now that I am working in a different company and earning more than your son, you are belittling him for not being capable enough of earning more than me!

When I broke the news of my new job, my parents and my husband were so happy and proud of me. But instead of being happy for me, you started hurting your son's emotions. You have enough money to enjoy your life, yet you demand that your son regularly send you a big amount because it is his responsibility. But you wouldn’t want me to spend even a penny on my family.

As a daughter, my parents always taught me to treat my in-laws just like my own parents, love them and care for them just like I do for my very own family.

Little did they know that my in-laws wanted a puppet, a maid; not a new family member.

But I’d like to thank you for all these things, today I may not know how I should raise my son or daughter but, I definitely know how I shouldn't raise them.

Dear mother-in-law, all I want to say is that the day you start treating your daughters-in-law as your own daughters, all the issues will vanish.