I'm A Bad Wife And I'm The Reason Why My Child Will Not Get His Love

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 16 March, 2017

Most of us face heartbreak, don't we? And then we ask ourselves- Why me? What did I do wrong? After a while, the pain becomes default- so do you forget it or heal it? How do you even do that? And one more question- how long should you blame yourself?

When I got married, I wanted only one thing- for my husband to accept me as I had accepted him. I thought perhaps marriages are made in heaven. But as mortal and earthly as it is, I just wanted the space and strength to do my best.

So yes, I'm heartbroken now. In fact, it happened only two weeks ago. I entered the wedlock with cheerfulness in my heart and with very little expectations. But nobody prepares you to expect memories that give you nightmares, the impending hurt, and the loss of faith. My world has been shattered so badly, I don't have a frame of reference anymore. I don't know which way is up. So let me write down what I'm feeling, and maybe when it echoes off you, I'll hear what needs to be heard. I might find the confidence that has deserted me.

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I didn't want to be an unreasonable wife. So right from the beginning, I made sure I didn't make demands or act clingy. I believed that I would get everything I needed. But, I was always treated as an equipment of pleasure, a maid who does all the household chores, a person who was at the receiving end of frustration- my independence and self-confidence evaporated like the camphor I lit each day with my morning prayers- never to come back again.

Work kept me sane on most days. My career was still progressing like I planned it. It was a dependable haven where I was still in control. But that was also taken away. I worked so hard at becoming a professional success, and suddenly, it was wrong for me to have a career.

Half my identity was gone, and the other half was still in danger- I hadn't taken my husband's name yet. I hadn't surrendered that part of me yet. I was the devil again. But wait, if I remove my father's name, should I remove him from my life too? Do my parents mean nothing to me after marriage? Apparently that's also the case.

And after all this, for whatever reason I continued to be a disappointment, I had to accept every false accusation made by my husband's family because... well, because I was the evil outsider after all.

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To be a good wife and repair your worth in their eyes, you must also hear all the abuses they make regarding your family. Please note that the leading cause for a woman's family to be utterly useless is their lack of initiative to give gifts to their son-in-law for every passing occasion. Not to worry, that's technically not dowry.

If they run out of mistakes to complain about, they still have the option to misinterpret everything your mother said last Diwali, blaming you for bringing bad luck if someone dies, and insult your beliefs. Also, money is more important than relationships, and your husband's family has the right to abuse you with no filters or limits.

They found fresh avenues to pick on me when I became pregnant. Yes, it's natural, and no, it's not easy. But I got no help or support to even cope with my emotions, let alone be excused of the regular work I did.

Even after suffering through that ordeal and giving birth, I became a bad mother for not lactating enough. My husband denied all responsibilities towards the baby. That also became old and boring, so they forced me to sign the divorce papers and threatened to ruin my life if I didn't.

But you know what? I genuinely tried to fix it. Even at my lowest low, I gathered the courage to be vulnerable and tried to explain my side of things, tried to make them understand. But my husband didn't care one bit. This was all white noise to him. Even at this point he is moving out of the wedlock. Am I supposed to be blamed? People say I need to adjust because I am a married woman with a kid.

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Until when do we women adjust? Why are we not treated as humans even in the 21st century? Just because we value relationships? I decided to move out of this relationship in the end and I conceded that the battle was lost. Hence, I am the bad woman who doesn't respect marriage and the one forcing my child out of his father's love.

If this is what I am called, I agree to to be the bad woman. At least I get to bring up a better child for the society! I might get the divorce very soon, but in society's eyes, I will be someone's wife and the mother of someone's child- that too a very bad one. Yes, I am a wife. That is why I accept this terrible fate without fighting it, and that is why I accept the blame also.
Author's Note:

I'm not here looking for sympathy. I was just looking for my voice and my thoughts, or maybe even some positive vibes to keep me going strong. 

Editor's Note:

Share this story because a 'good wife' has many definitions but this ain't one.